The Daily Mirror

A few weeks ago I published a post saying it was the first time I had ever agreed with the Daily Mirror. Since then I have had a couple of e-mails asking why I do not usually agree with them. So I thought I would try and explain.

You see you have to understand how the Daily Mirror came into existence in the first place. Back in the old days the poor in this country used to have a job for life, cheap rented accommodation, were taxed fairly, enjoyed a smoke and a drink and in general were a happy bunch. Crime was quite low and it was mainly the rich, or banks, post offices etc who suffered the consequences of crime.

Well one day, a bunch of socialists were sitting in their mansion drinking champagne and one of them remarked on what a disgrace it was.

“Poor people shouldn’t enjoy themselves!” he remarked. “If they get used to having a good life, they will start wanting an education and so forth. They will start getting ideas above their station. They will start to think they can be like us! I am all for everyone being equal and all that but surely this doesn’t apply to the poor?”

And so the Labour party was born. Using their association with the Trade Union movement these work shy layabouts quickly planned a strategy for putting the situation right. They decided to get the unions to demand unrealistic pay and conditions and set about getting themselves elected into government so they could introduce high taxes. They figured that if half the poor were out of work and the other half were taxed unmercifully then the poor would soon be just where they wanted them. Destitute.

However their main priority was getting their message across. They needed people to vote for them so their plan would work Of course nobody with any sort of education was going to vote for them and the poor were still badly educated so they needed the poor to vote for them. But how do you convince the people you are going to suppress that it’s a good idea? Well, in true socialist style they decided to tell them lies.

In order to do this they needed to communicate with the poor and they thought long and hard and consumed several cases of champagne before one of them had a brain wave.

“The poor spend so much money enjoying themselves that they cannot afford toilet paper” he told his friends. “They use newspaper. So why don’t we publish our own newspaper, then when they are sitting on the toilet they can read what we have to say”

And so the Daily Mirror was born. A piece of socialist propaganda, full of blatant lies and half truths and only just about fit to wipe your arse with.