Key words

If you want to get visitors to a web site you have to have key words. These are the words that when people type them into a search engine bring epople to your site. Depending on your key words you get a different sort of visitor. So I have put together a list of keywords and the sort of people who will visit you if you use them.

Minger: Cherie Blair fans.

Diving: Chelsea and Portugese football fans.

Liars: Tony Blair, Ken Livingstone and New Labour fans.

Fraudulent: People looking for the Labour party mainifesto.

Personal Freedom: Security forces from all over the world.

Gutter Press: Sun and Mirror readers.

Marijuana: One time visitors because they will never remember your site address again.

Rucksacks: muslims

Slave Trade: Eastern Europeans looking for work.

Big Brother: Saddo's with no friends.

Celebrity Upskirt: Saddo's with credit cards.

Sheep: Welshmen

Bargain: Scotsmen

Unemployed: John Prescott.

Skool Gurls: Anyone who learnt English under New Labour's education policy.

Finally, whatever you do, don't mention, fat, Macdonalds, Nuclear war, Iran, oil, racism, arrogant, obnoxious or friendly fire. Because once the yanks turn up you can never get rid of them again.

Do you like?

Do you like birds in lingerie and stockings? It's okay if you do, don't worry about it. Being gay is not compulsory yet. It is going to become compulsory to be gay if Billy Liar and his New Taxes party have their way but at the moment lusting after fit crumpet is still not illegal.

So if you do you can look at English amateur Rose Wood posing in her stockings and lingerie and spreading her legs just by clicking here.

Or if you want to see more crumpet posing in lingerie and stockings, getting their kit off, flashing their knickers etc then you should visit our sister site Simply Legs.

Another complaint about this site.

Yes I have had another complaint about the site. A while back I said something about Welshmen being sheep shaggers. Now half a dozen sheep have written in wanting to know what makes me think they would go anywhere near a Welshman.

Why do I do it?

So why do I sit here straining my eyes trying to find pics of hot babes for you to look at and trying to keep you amused?

Well, firstly it gives me an excuse to trawl through hundreds of galleries of fit birds each month. Secondly it allows me to have a bit of a rant aboit the things that piss me off. Thirdly it gives me something to do when the customised Rothmans have kicked in and my hands are aching after too much racing.

But just lately there is another reason for keeping my sites updated. I now get, between the four sites, 3 to 4 thousand visitors a week. Some of these people spend money!

Earlier in the year I banked some dollar cheques which, after being ripped off by the bank, came to about £60. At home here I have another two which come to about £50. On the way is this months cheque which is for just over £100.

Basically by sitting here enjoying myself and spending about 4 hours a week updating my sites I have paid for my holiday in Corfu next week. Which seems like a good deal to me!

Eve. Adults Only

Just another example of a fine English brunette. this eighteen year old hottie leaves nothing to the imagination as she strips out of her black lingerie and reveal her lovely naked body. See for yourself in this great full size gallery.

An example. Adults Only

This fit blonde, Tavia, is just an example of the sort of bird you can find on sister site Simply Babes. You can take a closer look at this blonde glamour model here.

Where has she gone?

Sorry if I am boring you

I must apologise to all my regular visitors if I am boring you. I have featured three celebrity slappers in a row because I am off on holiday Tuesday so need to keep the saddo celebrity watchers interested while I am away.

So here we have blonde tart Paris Hilton getting out of a car and showing us something we have all seen a thousand times before. yes it is Paris Hilton flashing her gash. Paris Hilton baring her beaver. Paris Hilton with no knickers on flashing her bare pussy! What a change that is!

Anyone wanting to see more of Paris Hilton's pussy, Abi Titmuss's snatch, Kelly Brook's kebab and lots more upskirt shots and galleries should visit our sister site Simply Upskirt.

If that wasn't enough

If the pic of Kelly Brook flashing her bare snatch wasn't enough to have all you celebrity watchers creaming your jeans then how about this upskirt pic of Abi Titmuss? Yes, Englands most famous happy slapper "accidently" shows her pussy again as she climbs out of a car. Doesn't she get bored with it? Can't she afford knickers? Anyway, for those of you interested, here is Abi Titmuss flashing her shaved naked pussy as she climbs out of a car.

Well it worked

Yes, by putting some pics of so called celebrities on here I have attracted more visitors, about 30 a day at the moment. So it's time to put some more on and see if I can get anymore sad bastards here. So to start with we have Kelly Brook baring her beaver as she gets out of a car. Thats right, Kelly Brooks showing her shaved pussy as she gets out of a car! The excitement is almost too much for me!

Fit blonde. Adults Only

And now another one, this time a blonde in white lingerie. Enjoy her here.

Julia Bond. Adults only

Just another babe with a fit body for you to emjoy. See all the pics here.

Brunette Teen. Adults Only

There is something about this eighteen year old cutie that gets me going. See all of the pics here.

Slutty Brunette. Adults Only

This slutty brunette is Judy Star. she is a real dirty bitch as you will see if you take a look at this explicit gallery.

Wimbledon this afternoon. Adults Only

Well the entire staff of PMT are off to Wimbledon this afternoon to watch the V8's in action. Now they won't look anything like this V8. But if you are a bird that looks anything like this one then come and say hello. We will be on the back straight. Just take your clothes off and we will find you. and if the site photographer remembers his camera this time we will take some pics!

Tempted? Adults Only

If I have to explain why this pic is on here then I have to refer you to the site description at the top of the page where it says "No hairdressers allowed"

Anyway does this gorgeous pout belong to?

a) Cherie Blair

or

b) Nineteen year old Lia

Find out here.

Double Delight. Adults Only

I have just had an enviromental friendly Rothmans. It was full of grass! So now I can't be bothered to flick back and forth between my differnt sites. Which means you are going to have to look at some birds that would have been on other sites. Like these two who were originally destined for Simply Babes. See all the pics here.

Eva. Adults Only

See all the pics here.

Najra. Adults Only

i can't be bothered with lots of typing this morning so you will just have to put up with some pics of naked and half naked birds. Sorry about that. If you don't like it tough, go somewhere else. Here is brunette Najra, from Eastern Europe somewhere. See all the pics here.

Is it illegal? Adults Only

Is it illegal to ask if you get many of these to the pound I do I have to do it in Kilo's?

Here is some real crumpet. Adults only

After the pics of the celebrity mingers I figured it was time for some real crumpet. So here is the very lovely Josie. Enjoy here here.

Is it a good move?

You might be wondering if it is a good move to try and get people to the site by showing pictures of celebrities flashing then slagging them off because of how sad they are to be looking for pics like that in the first place. But I think I'm safe.

A third of them will be from places like Turkey, China and Bradford and wont speak a word of English anyway.

Another third will be from America and will be able to read English but won't understand that I am taking the piss out of them.

The rest will have been educated under Billy Liar and his New Taxes Party and wont be able to read it anyway.

They really are sad.

No this bird I have heard of. Paris Hilton. If you are on the Internet you can hardly not of heard of her. I bet everybody in the world has had a spam e-mail offering to show you Paris Hilton in a hardcore video.

There are pics of her everywhere, and video's, and video clips, showing every inch of her, showing her having full sex, with men and women. The full monty.

So why are there hundreds of thousands of idiots searching the web looking for a pic of her accidently showing her nipple? But there are. so, once again, just for the saddo's out there. Here is Paris Hilton showing her nipple in a nipple slip photo!

Sophie Monk has nipples!

Once again I haven't a clue who this tart is but she is supposed to be famous and sad gits all around the world are searching the Internet in a quest to prove that she has nipples! And surprise, surprise, she does! And here is one of them.

So roll up, roll up all you sad gits, here is Sophie Monk showing one of her nipples. Now please don't get too excited and whatever you do don't look at any of the galleries on this site.

Because if you get that excited about a flash of nipple some of the birds on here will give you a heart attack.

Lucy Clarkson Topless!

So who is Lucy Clarkson then? I hope you know because I have not got the faintest idea! All I know is that she is supposed to be famous and she is not that hard to look at, especially with her tits out. So for all you sad gits who come on the Internet just to see famous birds with their tits out here is Lucy Clarkson topless.

Road Safety

They are now looking at much tougher driving tests for eighteen year olds because they say it will save 1000 lives a year. And the new speed cameras will save hundreds of lives. The new law about child seats will apparantly save up to 2000 lives.

Now last year their were about 2500 deaths on our roads. Which means very soon we are going to have to start digging up dead bodies, giving them a driving licence then listing their death as a motoring accident just to get the figures to add up!

Complaining works!

After seeing the disgusting photographs of our peace loving muslim neigbours protesting they were not violent by calling for the death of The Pope outside Westminster Cathederal I e-mailed the Police and made an official complaint.

The next day I read in the paper that after the police had recieved 25 complaints that they were going to arrest the man who organised the demonstration.

Now given that this man was a criminal, he and his fellow demenstrators should have been nicked anyway and it shouldn't have needed people to make official complaints. But he wasn't, so we complained and now he is getting nicked!

If more people bothered to complain then maybe this country might not be in quite as much mess as it is.

Here is the News.

Last week members of the religious cult going by the name of islam were deeply offended because the pope quoted an ancient passage that called their cult violent.

muslims all over the world leaped to the defence of their twisted beliefs and proved how peace loving they are by burning flags, calling for the death of The Pope, killing a nun and threatening violence to anybody who dared to disagree with them.

You might see more

You might start to see more celebrities on this site, female ones anyway. Despite not having a clue who she is I put a pic on of some bird called Lindsay Lohan flashing her kebab getting out of a car. And I got loads more visitors! So, now and again you might see a photo of some celebrity tart on here, purely and simply to get me more hits to the site. Some of them might be fit as well if all goes to plan.

Sniffer Dogs

England supporter

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping.
While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt
and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I
would like this for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the
head and says, "Go talk to your mother."
So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in
hand and finds his mother.
Mum?"
”Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like
this shirt for my birthday".
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head
twice and says, "Go talk to your father."
Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like
this shirt for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4
times and says:
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading
towards home.
The father turns to his son and says;
"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says,
"Yes dad I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate
you German Bastards"

Best Joke this month! Thank you angus.

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and
walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have
just one question about what I have seen in America.
President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there
is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese,
but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't
any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered
back, "It's because it takes place in the future."

It's now official.

Anybody who has read anything on this site will know that there is no way I would ever vote Labour, not even if my life depended on it. I'd rather die poor and happy than poor and unhappy like the socialists want.

I could also never vote Liberal because they are just as bad, except instead of giving my hard earned money to the rich and immigrants the Liberals will give it to the sort of people who load up their four by four with push bikes so they can spend Sunday afternoons saving the planet.

And the Conservatives are just as bad now that "call me Dave" is in charge. He flew all the way to Norway or somewhere, using untold amounts of fuel, to pose for a picture and announce he wants to save the planet.

All three main parties have an agenda, they want to continue in their highly paid jobs, no matter what it takes. Not one of them has any interest whatsover in what the vast majority of us want.

I want crime sorted out, I want the scum who prey on innocent people kept off of the streets. I want the war on motorists to end, I want the government to do something about the idiots on the road rather than using speed camera to fleece innocent people.

I want Class A drug dealers locked away for a long time and treated like the scum they are. I want this country sorted out, kids to learn to read and write, good healthcare. I don't have kids but I have a niece and I want her to grow up and live in a safe society with rules and values rather than the shit hole that New Labour have turned this country into.

There is only one political party offering anything like that. The BNP. So they will now get my vote. If anyone reading this doesn't like it thats fine. You are welcome to go somwhere else, as is any foreigner, whatever their colour, who comes into this country and doesn't like our rules.

Goverment web site

I am starting a campgain to force the government to add a disclaimer to their official web site. I want them to state.

"Any views expressed on this website are our own personal views and in no way reflect the wishes of the public"

Meeting my quota. Adults Only

This bird is on here for one reason, I probably need to meet my quota. I don't know if there is a law saying that I have to feature a certain amount of ethnic sluts in amongst my selection of white English sluts but I am not taking any chances!

Given the amount of new laws being bought in by Billy Liar and his New Taxes party there very likely is, one a day so far but he only has a short while to go so that is bound to go up as he seeks to impose as much control over us as possible before becoming a full time lap dog for George Bush, there very likely is. Then there are the new regulations passed by the EU everyday and impsoed upon us against our will.

So I am not taking any chances. I would recommend that you all take a look, just in case your computer is being watched and you fall foul of the law as well. You don't want to be accused of racism do you?

Unless of course you are a member of an ethnic minority. In which case the law will not apply to you.

A penny for them. Adults Only

Someone offered John Prescott a penny for his thoughts and got change! Here is another English slapper, Penny. See the full gallery here.

Here is another one. Adults Only

After Elise we now have Hayley, another English Amateur slapper getting her kit off and spreading her legs for the camera. Have a closer look at this one here.

Amateur Hour. Adults Only

Just as a change I have decided to feature some real amateur English models getting their bits out. Now I don't know why but whenever I find galleries of English birds they are always real hardore stuff. it seems the average english amateur is just a total slut!

Take this bird for example. she is Elise from Liverpool, the home of the car thief. In this gallery she leaves nothing to the imagination. So if you are over eighteen and not offended by slappers at play then take a look here.

As I was saying

Well the 125 Motor GP's just got started. And it lasted two corners before a crash that caused the race to be stopped. these guys are totally insane! It is great!

Cute Blonde. Adults Only

After featuring Lindsay lohan without her knickers earlier I should have quite a few new viewers at the moment. So I need to keep them interested. Maybe this set of photo's of cute eighteen year old blonde Katie will help. You never know! See all the pics here.

Never play pool with a woman. Adults Only

It really pisses me off! There you are, having a good game of pool, and a bird turns up and spoils things! What is wrong with these women? Why cant they keep their clothes on? Anyway, see what happened here.

I don't know why. Adults Only

This is another great thing about not having themes anymore, I get to finally show you these pics. I don't actually know why I like this galley so much but I do. It is basically just page three girl Melanie walsh dressed in a Robin Hood outfit.

Now for those of you who don't know Robin Hood was an outlaw who used to rob money from the rich and give it to the poor. That was in the old days before Billy Liar and the New Taxes party refined things and started robbing the poor to pay the Rich.

Anyway here she is.

Lindsay Lohan forgets her knickers

All the newspapers this week were gettin excited because some celebrity called Lindsay Lohan was caught by photographers flashing her snatch as she got out of a car. Now i have to admit I don't know who Lindsay lohan is. However whenever the papers start on about something like this the first thing that happens is that millions of people go on the Internet trying to find the pics.

So, in an attempt to get a few more visitors to the site, and to save you regulars having to scour the search engines, here is an uncensored pic of Linsay Lohan flashing her snatch as she gets out of a car.

What a stupid time to get up

Well it is one thirty in the morning and instead of sitting typing this after half a dozen beers and a couple of revved up Rizla's I have just got out of bed and I am drinking strong black coffee trying to wake up.

Why am I up at such a stupid time I hear you asking? Simple. It is the Australian Moto GP from Phillip Island this morning and it starts on Eurosport at 02.45. So I figired if I got up early, did some work on the web sites and watched the racing I could then go back to bed for a couple of hours before getting up and watching the penultimate round of the British Superbikes in the afternoon.

For the those of you who don't watch bike racing then you don't know what you are missing. These guys are lunatics, as well as being the bravest men on the planet. When they have a frony wheel slide at 140mph they don't pull over and change they underwear like a road rider does, they just go faster. The racing is always close, it's not unusual to have half a dozen riders still in with a chance on the final lap, especially in the 125 and 250 classes. And some of the crashes have to be seen to be believed.

So yes it is a stipid time to get up. But I am going to enjoy it! Here are some pics from the official Moto GP site.

Security or profiteering?

Just got the rules through for when I fly to Corfu. When I get to customs they will take any cigarette lighters I have off of me. Once they have seen my passport and I am through customs I can buy another lighter in their shops and take that with me. This is because of "Security"

Now when I buy a lighter when I have gone through customs it had better not be in a sealed packet. Because if it is it means it has not been checked, which means that BAA will have taken a lighter off of me because it hasn't been through security checks then sold me a lighter that hasn't been through security checks. Which is profiteering, which is illegal! And I will make a fuss about it. I will write to my MP. I will demand an explanation from BAA. I will contact the police and demand something is done about it.

Even if they sell me a lighter that isn't in a sealed packet I will want some explanations. Who has checked it? How was it checked? were the staff who passed it through security muslims? After all one of the people arrested in the last lets try and get Labour some votes exercise, sorry security, alert worked for BAA. A very large percentage of the staff at Heathrow responsible for security are muslims.

In short there had better be a genuine reason for stealing my possesions then allowing me to buy the very same thing back as long as I buy if from their outlets. Because if there is not I am going to want to know why and make sure that something is done about it.

Ten years

Acording to the sun toilet roll, sorry newspaper, this week we only have ten years to save the planet. Lets hope they don't put Tony Blair in charge!

Celebration time.

Well as I just said we have something to celebrate, which is handy because my eyes are going funny looking at all these pics of women. Yes, Billy Liar is going! And about time to!

This obnoxious, smarmy, oily, lying two faced arse lick who has completely ruined this country has finally pocketed enough of our money and is finally off to fleece somebody else.

Mind you for his nine years of picking our pockets and making our country unfit to live in we will still have to pay him a huge index linked pension for the rest of his life. But at least he is finally off.

But when the next person moves into number 10 I would suggest checks the fixtures and fittings very carefully. After all, he and his free loading wife have a house to furnish.

Just for those of you. Adults Only

Just for those of you only here to look at the pictures here is another bird, a quite fit little piece called Asia. For thise of you who are here for my usual wit and humour and who think along the same lines as me about our wonderful government then please don't worry, we have somthing to celebrate! Anyway for the pervs out there here is Asia.

Do you think? Adults Only

Do you think she uses aftershave? I was just wondering because when you put it on your face it stings like hell. Can you imagine what it would feel like round your pubes? If you are interested in what the rest of her looks like then click here.

You might be wondering. Adults Only

You might be wondering why I am featuring Raven Riley again when I only featured her a couple of weeks ago. Then again you might not be, you might just be looking at the pics and I am wasting my time writing this.

But for those of you who do bother to read it (Hi Ian and Chris) there is a reason. When I put her pics up last time my Superkings were a bit too Supercharged if you know what I mean. I wasn't exactly straight. In fact I couldn't walk.

This meant that I cocked the links up so that if anybody signed up to her site from my links I didn't get paid! Now the main point of this is to get people to sign up so I earn money. I'm not here to entertain you for nothing! So like it or not she is on again. And at least she is not too bad to look at. See her remove her bikini here.

It's Wednesday. Adults Only

Yes it is Wednesday afternoon, the Rothmans are Rocking, I am home alone, had a couple of beers so it's time for an update. To start with we have a pic of Raven Riley looking quite tempting. Another couple of beers and I think I might let her have me if she wants to. See if she is good enough for you here.

Superbabes and a supercar. Adults Only

These are two of the hottest babes on the Internet, Alison Angel and Lia 19, posing with one of the hottest cars on the planet. Take a good look at all three here.

An unusual dress. Adults only

Going through all these galleries of fit baes, ruining my eyesite to bring you the best, I sometimes come across some unusual ones. This is one of them. This blonde's dress seems to be made entirely of cannabis leaves. Probably a print but still unusual anyway. and tera herself isn't too hard to look at either. So here she is, nineteen year old Tera in a cannabis dress, and out of it as well. See all the pics here.

Melanie Walsh. Adults Only

Our final babe in school uniform, because I'm bored with it now, is the Sun page three girl Melanie Walsh. See the full set of pics here.

Holly goes back to school. Adults Only

This is eighteen year old Holly Maguire modeling her favourite school uniform. See all the pics here.

Another cute schoolgirl. Adults Only

Here we have another eighteen year old babe modeling a back to school outfit. See all the pics here.

Long haired brunette. Adults Only

Here is a hot bodied babe with long dark hair. She is on here because I like long dark hair. No oyjer reason. See all the pics here.

Dani . Adults Only

The next of our models showing off the latest design in school uniforms is eighteen year old Dani. See the full set of pics here.

School Girl Anna. Adults Only

Our next eighteen year old school girl is the lovely Anna. See all the pics here.

End of the summer holidays. Adults Only

Well it is September, the holidays are over and the kids have gone back to school. Yo celebrate I am going to feature some models showing off the latest in school Uniforms. We start with eighteen year old Abrianna. See all the pics here.

Babe on a bike. Adults Only

This is a bird we have had on here before. But a lot of you were not visitin here then. So for those who missed her the first time we have melissa Midwest draped over a Harley. See all the pics here.