Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Great Blog from Lindsey
Just found this great blog from a lady named Lindsey who descibes herself as a lipstick lesbian. Great site with some great pics, including the hot blonde below getting her kit off. If you are over 18 then click here to take a look.
Where babies come from
One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."
Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."
The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."
Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."
Why I love her
A guy is sitting in a bar with his friends bitching about going home to his wife.
His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman and he replies...
"Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea"
So what say the friends, flip her over.
"Well, she also has diarrhea" the guy says.
"Yuck, but what about her mouth." The friends chime in.
"Halitosis" the man says.
"Damn, Why would you stay with her?" The friends say.
"Well," the guy replies "She also has worms, and you guys know how I like to fish."
His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman and he replies...
"Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea"
So what say the friends, flip her over.
"Well, she also has diarrhea" the guy says.
"Yuck, but what about her mouth." The friends chime in.
"Halitosis" the man says.
"Damn, Why would you stay with her?" The friends say.
"Well," the guy replies "She also has worms, and you guys know how I like to fish."
World women's conference
At the 2004 World Women's conference, the first speaker from Canada, stood up "At last years conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband I would no longer cook for him, and that he would have to do it himself. Afer the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb".
The crowd stood up, applauded and cheered.
The second speaker, from France, stood up
"After last years conference I went straight home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that not only had he done his own, but my washing as well".
Once again the audience rose to their feet, applauded and cheered.
The third speaker, from Scotland stood up "After last year's conference ah went home and tolt ma man that I widnae doo his cookin, cleanin or shoppin, and he wid hiftae doo it himsell. After the first day I saw nothin, after the second day I saw nothin, but after the third day, I could see a wee bit oota ma left eye"
The crowd stood up, applauded and cheered.
The second speaker, from France, stood up
"After last years conference I went straight home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that not only had he done his own, but my washing as well".
Once again the audience rose to their feet, applauded and cheered.
The third speaker, from Scotland stood up "After last year's conference ah went home and tolt ma man that I widnae doo his cookin, cleanin or shoppin, and he wid hiftae doo it himsell. After the first day I saw nothin, after the second day I saw nothin, but after the third day, I could see a wee bit oota ma left eye"
Sex Change
John (now Jean) is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has transformed him into a beautiful women.
His old friend Pete sees him and says, "John, you look great...you're beautiful!"
John says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."
Pete says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?"
John says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
Pete says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"
John says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
Pete says, "Then what did hurt?"
John says, "When the doctor drilled a hole in my head and sucked out half my brain."
His old friend Pete sees him and says, "John, you look great...you're beautiful!"
John says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."
Pete says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?"
John says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
Pete says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"
John says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
Pete says, "Then what did hurt?"
John says, "When the doctor drilled a hole in my head and sucked out half my brain."
Good girls and bad girls
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, "Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop..."
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, "Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop..."
Satans Sister
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
A brunette and a bike
After all the blondes below I thought I had better include a brunette. As a bonus there is a bike as well. To see more of Monica, and more of the bike, click here. Adults only.
Monday, November 08, 2004
Slip up or deliberate?
Last week at an awards ceremony Tara Reid, the American Pie star, accidently flashed one of her boobs. I have just read that earlier this year she had a boob job so I can't help wondering if it could have been deliberate. Either way it was nice of her to give us a treat! Thanks Tara.
Site with a difference
At first glance this looks like any other custom car site. Some nice pics, a bit of detail about the cars etc. But then you come to the sounds library. Yes, you can download and listen to everything from a car crash to a car that won't start!
More Biker babes
Biker Babes USA is, as you would imagine, a site packed full of young American biker babes getting their kit off. And there are some nice bikes as well.
Friday, November 05, 2004
Short and sweet
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Beer is better because
1.You can enjoy beer all month long
2.Beer stains wash out
3.You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4.Your beer will always wait patiently in your car while you play football.
5. When your beer goes flat you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. Hangovers go away.
8. A beer doesn't get jealous if you grab another one.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight
10. When you go into a bar you know you can always pick up a beer.
11.Beer never has a headache.
12.A beer won't be upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.
13.If you pour a beer right, you always get good head.
14.You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
15. A beer always goes down easily.
16. You can share a beer with your friends.
17. You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
18. The beer is always wet.
19. A beer doesn't demand equality.
20. You can have a beer in public.
21.A beer doesn't care when you come home.
22.A frigid beer is a good beer.
23.You don't have to wash a beer to make it taste good.
24.If you change beer you don't have to pay alimony.
25. A beer doesn't complain about your beer gut.
2.Beer stains wash out
3.You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4.Your beer will always wait patiently in your car while you play football.
5. When your beer goes flat you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. Hangovers go away.
8. A beer doesn't get jealous if you grab another one.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight
10. When you go into a bar you know you can always pick up a beer.
11.Beer never has a headache.
12.A beer won't be upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.
13.If you pour a beer right, you always get good head.
14.You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
15. A beer always goes down easily.
16. You can share a beer with your friends.
17. You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
18. The beer is always wet.
19. A beer doesn't demand equality.
20. You can have a beer in public.
21.A beer doesn't care when you come home.
22.A frigid beer is a good beer.
23.You don't have to wash a beer to make it taste good.
24.If you change beer you don't have to pay alimony.
25. A beer doesn't complain about your beer gut.
Female hormones in beer
Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that after this they all started talking crap and couldn't drive.
Two are better than one.
The pic below should have had the caption two are better than one, but then I would have had to think up another heading for this post. Anyway, if you want to see the two lovely young ladies below get to know each other a LOT better than click on the heading and take a look. But BE WARNED this is adult content and you must be over 18.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Bikers having fun
Just found a site that shows bikers doing what they do best, having fun and getting wasted. Best of all it shows biker babes doing the thing they do second best, flashing their bits. Free those puppies is a site for anyone into bikes and babes. Take a look now.
High Quality Pics
Just lots of full size, high quality pics of babes wearing very little. Click here to feast your eyes.
Unknown
I dont know who this young lady is. But if you want to see her remove that bikini then just click here. WARNING: CONTAINS NUDITY. NOBODY UNDER 18 IS WELCOME.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Fire Racers
Can't afford the real thing? Then try these. Traditional radio-controlled cars look and act pretty much like the real thing, only in miniature. Fire Racers look and act pretty much like traditional radio-controlled cars, only in miniature.
They have proper rubber tyres and a great job has been done in making the models look incredibly similar to their full-size, road-going cousins. Oh, they go like the clappers and the steering is excellent, too.
They can be used indoors and out, and with two different frequencies available you can have proper races around the obstacle courses and racetracks we recommend you build for them (cushions, open-book bridges, figure of eights around table legs etc). Much fun is to be had with desktop demolition derbies but be careful of the cold cups of coffee. Just click on the banner below to find out more.
They have proper rubber tyres and a great job has been done in making the models look incredibly similar to their full-size, road-going cousins. Oh, they go like the clappers and the steering is excellent, too.
They can be used indoors and out, and with two different frequencies available you can have proper races around the obstacle courses and racetracks we recommend you build for them (cushions, open-book bridges, figure of eights around table legs etc). Much fun is to be had with desktop demolition derbies but be careful of the cold cups of coffee. Just click on the banner below to find out more.
Viviane Bordin
The photo below is of a young Brazilian lady named Viviane Bordin. Very nice she is too! If you want to see even more of her then just click here.
Womens book of records
Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs.Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on 12th October 1993.
She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving: The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987.
Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Shop Dithering: The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale.
After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it.
Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre: The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th 1991.
When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.
Talking about Nothing: Mrs. Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs. Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for tea, cakes and toilet visits.
Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever.
The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs.Vera Etherington(GB) and her neighbour Mrs.Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs.Booth remembered she'd left the bath running.
Gossiping: On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the butcher.
After Mrs. Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs.Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic Society, several knitting circles, a coach load of American tourists which she flagged down, and the butchers wife.
When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Mrs.Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
Group Toilet Visit: The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton.
At their annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994, Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.
Film Confusion: The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'.
She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?", revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?".
Single Breath Sentence: An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath.
Mrs.Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour.She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups.
At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous jesticulations and indignant spasms.
And its all true!!!!!!
She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving: The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987.
Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Shop Dithering: The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale.
After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it.
Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre: The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th 1991.
When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.
Talking about Nothing: Mrs. Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs. Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for tea, cakes and toilet visits.
Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever.
The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs.Vera Etherington(GB) and her neighbour Mrs.Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs.Booth remembered she'd left the bath running.
Gossiping: On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the butcher.
After Mrs. Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs.Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic Society, several knitting circles, a coach load of American tourists which she flagged down, and the butchers wife.
When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Mrs.Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
Group Toilet Visit: The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton.
At their annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994, Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.
Film Confusion: The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'.
She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?", revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?".
Single Breath Sentence: An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath.
Mrs.Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour.She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups.
At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous jesticulations and indignant spasms.
And its all true!!!!!!
Marital Bliss
A man takes his wife to the Adelaide show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states:
"This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The fed up man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if he had to f~~~ the same cow every day."
"This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The fed up man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if he had to f~~~ the same cow every day."
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