If you can, Don't!

Once upon a time I used to get my cable Internet from a company called Telewest. As a company they were rubbish. When you rang it took ages to get through to anybody and when our phone went down it took three days to repair it. But I put up with it because their Internet was absolutely amazing. It didn't stop, it didn't slow down, it just worked, twenty four hours a day seven days a week.

Then Telewest were bought out by Virgin and I thought great, fantastic broadband with better customer service. How wrong can you be?

Firstly I am supposed to have 10meg, however that is only on a good day with the wind behind it. Somehow Virgin Media manage to achieve what is supposed to be impossible with cable and that they advertise doesn't happen, it slows down when the net is busy. That is of course if it is actually working at all which just lately is not that often. And even if you actually get Internet access the chances of their e-mail servers working as well are very slim.

They have also achieved something else that I thought was impossible, even worse customer service than Telewest! Their website is so complicated and has so many offers that their own staff don't understand it and their pricing policies are designed to penalise long standing customers and to suck new customers in despite the fact that they can't actually provide the service they advertise to exsisting customers.

When you ring to report a fault you wait for anything up to an hour just to speak to anybody and they even offer five different choices of music to listen to while you wait. A sixth option to actually talk to somebody however seems beyond their capabilities. Yet ring to try and pay your bill and you are through to somebody in seconds!

Their advertisements on TV say that if you can you should. I would say if you can don't, because if you do you will regret it.

Amanda Beard in Playboy. Adults Only

One of the American swimming team at the olympics was also a Playboy model. her name is Amanda Beard and much as I would like to say that I have Amanda Beards Playboy photo shoot here I don't.

I have searched the entire database of Playboy galleries searching for Amanda Beard but she just isn't there. So it look like Playboy missed out on a great marketing opportunity.

But here is another bird from Playboy.

Well done you scousers.

Okay this is a bit complicated so pay attention. Carlsberg sponser Liverpool football club. Liverpool football supporters hate the Sun because they falsly reported bad stuff about Liverpool when there was a disaster a good few years back and ninety odd Liverpool fans were killed. Then Carlsberg decided to do a promotion the Sun offering free coupons for a free pint over the bank holiday weekend. So Liverpool fans went beserk and apparantly it is now cancelled. Well done you thick scousers, you just made the Sun's day!

Both the Sun and Carlsberg were doing this to gain publicity for their products. And that is exactly what they got! But instead of it costing them a lot of money in giving away pints, printing coupons and exchanging them etc they got it for free! And all thanks to you dickheads!

But I have to ask. Are you going to be boycotting and abusing your captain, Steven Gerrard, who, for a large sum of money, had his autobiography serialised in the News of the World, a newspaper owned by the Sun? Just how far are you going take this grudge? Will you all abuse Danish players because Carlsberg is made in Denmark? Will the protestants among you be abusing Torres because he is Spanish and the Spanish lead the Inquisition?

And what if Carsberg were to stop sponsering your team of failures? How would you pay the ref for needlessly sending of opposition players in Champions League games? How would you pay them to disallow perfextly good goals by the opposition and allow dodgy goals by your team? Maybe you could get the benefits agency to sponser you? After all they already keep 25% of the population of Liverpool in beer, fags and Sky Sports subscriptions.

This year Liverpool is laughingly the city of culture. The only culture in Liverpool seems to be the mold growing between the ears of Liverpool football suporters.

This advert has been banned. Adults Only

This advert, by a French sweet company advertising a new brand of lollipop, has just been banned.

To see why take a look here.

Getting them out for the boys. Adults Only

Of course now that it is warmer you get all the birds going straight out for a drink, getting pissed and then indulging in a hobby a lot of them seem to have called "Getting them out for the boys"

And to cater for all of you who likes to see a bird get them out we have our very own breast site called Perfect Puppies. Here you will find boobs of all shapes and sizes all proudly displayed for you to have a good ogle at.

To take a better look at Leannes puppies click here.

To see lots more galleries of birds with their tits out then visit Perfect Puppies.

Leaving a little to the imagination. Adults Only

Now while it is all very well catching a flash of a gash or looking at a naked woman sometimes it's best when the ladies leave a little bit to the imagination. Our imagination that is, we all know women don't have any imagination. It's one of the genes they don't posses, along with common sense, a sense of humour and the ability to drive.

So for those of you who like that sort of thing we have yet another site especially for you. Perfect Panties features nothing but birds in panties and lingerie, just like Madison here.

To see more of Maddison flashing her knickers then take a look here. It is worth it believe me!

To see lots more babes in panties and lingerie then visit Perfect Panties.

The best summer sport. Adults Only

There are many sports that are really only popular, or playable, in the summer and most of them, tennis, cricket etc are the nearest thing you will find to watching paint dry.

But there is one sport, playable all year round but far more interesting in the summer, that everyone can take part in and enjoy. It's called blimping. Spotting women flashing their knickers, accidently or otherwise, sometimes if you are lucky their snatches and of course their boobs. A flash of any sort will always put a smile on your face but to me the best are the upskirt ones.

Which is why we have a site dedicated to just that, women flashing their knickers and snatches, Simply Upskirt. To see an endless supply of upskirt photo galleries visit Simply Upskirt.

To see what blonde babe Desiree is wearing under her skirt then take a look here.

I see summer has finally arrived. Adults Only

Well it looks like summer is finally here judging by the amount of half naked women I have been seeing on the streets lately. Obviously it wont last long so while it is here make the most of it.

We have been neglecting you lot a bit lately because we have been concentrating on the other sites, the ones that make money. If we had to rely on you lot we would never get a holiday!

For those of you who havent seen the other sites, and in a blatant attempt to make more money, I am going to give you a little taster of what they have to offer.

To start with we have Simply Babes. This site features nothing but fine babes with their kit off flashing their bits. Just like Lisa here.

To see more of Lisa just click here.

To see lots more birds like her then click here.

A message to ITV. Adults Only

To all of you advertising bods at ITV who came up with their ridiculous new advertsising campaign I have a message.

This is how summer really feels!

RAF's new advertising campaign.

In an effort to get more recruits it seems the RAF have now come up with a novel advertising campaign. In future all training flights will include a quick shag with Kate Middleton at her place. Free use of a 10 million pound helicopter is included.

An experiment. Adults Only

Well having slagged off the advertising industry in the last two posts I figured I would try an experiment and do some advertising of my own. So I am going to use this post to advertise one of our sister sites, Simply Legs.

Simply Legs is the number one site for all you leg lovers out there featuring endless galleries of leggy babes in stockings, just like this one here.

Take a look at this leggy babe here then go take a look at Simply Legs.

It is not just TV. Adults Only

It is not just on TV that the morons in the advertising world get it completely wrong. Yesterday I was in Sainsbury's and saw their new marketing campaign in action.

Some genius, probably with a degree in marketing or consumer exploitation has come up with the great idea of putting a sign on everything they sell cheaper or at the same price as Tesco's pointing it out. A wonderful idea apart from one small detail.

You see what this actually means is that every product that doesn't have a sign saying it is cheaper than in Tesco's or the same price as in tesco's is actually dearer in sainsbury's than in Tesco's! Otherwise they would be boasting about it!

So all this wonderful advertising campaign is actually doing is pointing out to people that on the whole Sainsbury's prices are higher than Tesco's! Brilliant! What a marketing strategy! Shop with us because we are more expensive!

And somebody got paid a lot of our money to to come up with this. As I said before, advertising is nothing more than a tax on consumers.

Here is a bird.

Advertising industry. Adults Only

Regular readers will know exactly what I think of the advertising industry. A bunch of self serving, lying, parasites leeching off of the rest of society and serving no useful purpose whatsoever. Last night, while watching TV I found yet more proof of this.

I was watching Star Trek Voyager, the very first episode and was amazed by the choice of adverts. Now it doesn't take a genius to work out who is likely to be watching this program at eleven o'clock in the evening. They are most likely to be men, single men to be exact, sitting at home bored with nothing else to do. They will most likely be sitting at their computer or taking a break from it before customising another Consulate and sitting up half the night.

So what do the geniuses in the advertising department at Bravo choose to tempt these people into parting with their money? A Marks and Spencer advert! A long annoying Marks and Spencer advert with a lighthouse in it designed specifically to con members of the inferior sex, females, out of their money.

What did they think was going to happen? Did they think we would all watch this annoying piece of crap then rush out today and buy some new skids at M&S? Did they actually think at all? Is anyone in the advertising industry even capable of thought? Do they have the equipment?

Basically M&S just wasted their money. Or, more realistically, our money. Because the cost of keeping these idiots in BMW's and foreign holidays comes out of our pockets everytime we buy anything at all and we are subsidising their champagne lifestyles and complete stupidity.

The advertising industry is nothing more than a con and a tax on consumers and something badly needs to be done about it.

Here is a bird.