The only thing that New Labour has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts. However in an effort to corect this oversight and obtain even more money to hand out to Future Labour voters, sorry, illegal immigrants, they will be sending this to every English male in the country.
Dear Sir/Madam
Effective January 1st, 2005 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:
10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........£30.00
8"- 10" Pole Tax.............£25.00
5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........£15.00
4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........£3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
*****NOTE*****
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:
- Are there penalties for early withdrawals? - What if one's penis is self employed? - Do multiple partners count as a corporation? - Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? - Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
Yours sincerly.
Chief Penis Inspector
Cherie Blair.
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