An Indian goes into a bar. Adults Only

An Indian walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

"Where did you get that?" the barman asks.

"Southall" Says the parrot, "There are fu*king hundreds of them"

Here is a fit bird

Well off to bed now

Yes the chemo has got to me. Only had it yesterday and it does make me tired sometimes.

But the next one is Wednesday 3rd October! Yes I have a rest week next week so any of you who fancy meeting up for a drink get in touch. I am also going to Bar Isha in Kingston for Salsa on Sunday so if any of you fancy it get in touch.

There is a great band on with a real fit bird! That is her in the pic. See their site here.

Anyway hopefully I will be back tomorrow. If not then Saturday. The one and only Castonya is back! And here to stay!

And another one who should be on Simply Upskirt. Adults Only

yes another one flashing her knickers before giving us a look at her kebab. This time a blonde.

Take a good look here.

This bird should really be on Simply Upskirt

But I am easing myself back into things at the moment so can't be bothered with going back and fore between sites. So you get to take a look up her skirt instead.

See what she had for breakfast here.

Keeping fit

Here we have a blonde bird doing what she should be doing. Keeping herself fit for the apreciation of us men. All women should do it. In fact there should be a law making them do it.

Take a look at her here.

Something for the Homosexuals.

Before I get nicked for discrimination here is the usual bit for the homosexual community. This time, by way of a change, I am going to feature some lesbians.

So here they are. A couple of dykes.

A bird and a Merc

Well it's that time of night. Google is off to bed and we can feature what you have all come here for. Crumpet!

Now I am not acusing any of you of being sexist or anything, god forbid. But I seem to get so many more hits if I fill the site with half naked women than I do when I waffle on!

So you sexist bastards here is a bird with a Merc.

Did you see in the Sun today?

There is a town in Romania that in January had a population of 12,000 people. Then the EU opened it's doors and 1000 of them left.

The result? Their crime rate is at an all time low! People can walk the streets safely, dont get their car stolen, are sage from credit card fraud and generally live without a fear of crime.

Over here crime is a an all time high!

Do you think the idoiots who run this country will ever work it out?

Sorry had to stop for a minute.

I was eating a peach.

Makes a change to the old hags I usually eat!

Until

Until she got into her present line of work, Rich Bitch, Bright Blonde had a variety of jobs. She even worked as a customs officer. Until she arrested a muslim thalidomide for bringing small arms into the country.

She also collapsed having phone sex!

They took her to hospital and extracted a nokia, two motorolas and an NEC. Despite a prolonged search they couldn't find any Seimans.

Bright Blonde got thrown off of millionaire!

Yes, our recently departed Bright Blonde got thrown off of who wants to be a millionaire for masturbating!

She got confused when Tarrant said fastest finger first!

I once picked up a blonde

in my cab.
When we got to ther place she lifted her skirt and asked me if she could pay in kind.

I had to ask her if she had anything smaller!

Just spent £60 on a computer game..

But the bloody thing keeps crashing the computer!

This new Colin Mcrae Helicopter simulator is shit!

Now thats the peanut gallery dealt with

We can get on with the real business of the site. Don't worry there will be some crumpet later, it's just a bit difficult with google sitting here. Have to wait until she goes to bed.

Now as you all know I am not one to complain. But why on earth has the government agreed to use tax payers money to make sure the greedy bastards who banked with Northern rock get paid?

These people, middle and upper class tossers who work in non jobs like advertising, poncing off of the rest of us, put there money in there because they could earn more interest! No other reason. And they got caught out. So why the hell should the rest of us pay to bail them out!

They deserved everything they got!

Goodbye Bright Blonde

As I touched on earlier Bright Blonde has left us. Despite all the playing we used to do, non stop day and night, she no longer wants to play with me. I think she got bored then somebody else came along for her to play with. Shame because she was a real fun playmate. Anyway I no longer have permission to fill her inbox, nor that of her friend Miss Tecra. But I still slip one in now and again!

She is too busy for things like this now. She has reached that age where she is desperate to find a man before her juices dry up and when she is not talking about working, out on the piss, watching football or out dancing she is romancing. Or trying to find a meal ticket, sorry husband.

She is currently working her way through her ex boyfriends, trying to find if any of them have got any richer and become better prospects. She was up to D last time I heard but she doesn't hang about so if you used to "know her" be ready for a call soon!

Now I know thats stupid, working your way through people you have already rejected. Why not try something new? Why stick with the same type of bloke who has let you down everytime? Why not try a different type, somebody who might actually make you happy? But that is the way supposedly intelligent women work!

"Oh, every man I have ever met has treated me like shit and ended up hurting me! I know! I will go for the same type again! What a good idea! Us blondes are well smart!"

But apart from her blonde moments she is a nice old bird, one of the kindest nicest people I have ever met. and with a great sense of humour too. So lets wish her well in her search. And have a sweepstake on how long each one lasts!

Goodbye from us all Bright Blonde. We will miss you. You are welcome back anytime.

Worse bit of having cancer

The very worse bit isn't the pain or the dieing or anything like that. It's getting kissed by relatives! My mum had a birthday party and all the aunts and cousins were there. Do you think they would leave me alone! Every single one of the woman gave me a kiss when they left. I wouldn't mind but have you seen my relatives? They never used to do it before so why now?

Is it cos I's dying?

Firstly my Cancer

We might as well get it out of the way right at the start. First of all I had 6 months to a year. Then two to three years. Now maybe five. I don't think they actually have a clue so I have decided not to worry about it and let shit happen when it's ready.

Anyway it's not all bad. Okay I was really ill and I will be again sometime in the future. Yes it's going to kill me. But not too painfully which is cool. yes I have to go to the hospital all the time. But it has it's advantages as well.

I get free road tax, a blue badge and free sandwiches and an orange at chemo! Thats worth all the hassle!

I am early!

Crashed in my race! Anyway welcome back all. Unless of course you are one of the birds who got the e-mail. It says NO WOMEN ALLOWED! Can't you read?

You are supposed to pass it on to a man! Just like all those diseases you pass on to men.

Mind you, being women you have probably started reading at the top instead of the bottom and won't read this until you have already been offended.

Well tough. It serves you right for being thick. Now go somewhere else and leave us to it.

Okay. It's going to be tonight!

Yes, just have an online race to do then will be back here. For those of you who like to tune in whilst I work this weeks Thursday show starts at about ten PM. See you all then.

I am back!

Sorry for the delay in updates but as many of you know I have been very ill and haven't been up to doing this. I will tell you all about it later. i did leave Bright Blonde in charge but the poor old girl hasn't had the time. New boyfriend and all that, or two by now I think! Should have known better than to leave a menopausal women in charge!

In fact I think it's goodbye from Bright Blonde. She is far too busy with hair dressers, getting nails done, socialising, having meetings to talk about work etc to bother with us! Just a typical female businesman I am afraid. And they let these people vote as well! But she is a very lovely lady so I am going to forgive her.

That was probably the worse thing that ever happened to this country, giving women the vote. Everything was fine until then. Now look at it! How on earth can you let a sub species with a lower mental capacity than us and who can only think with their hormones have a say in anything important let alone a say in how to run the country is totally beyond me!

Anyway will update later today or tomorrow then try to be regular after that. So come back soon for the usual helping of crumpet, my view on bailing out the greedy bastards who banked with Northern Rock and all the usual stuff. See you all soon!

I'm not

I am not going to get chance to update before going to Corfu Monday morning, sorry. So I'm going to leave you in the very experienced hands of Bright Blonde. She has turned out to be just as fickle, self centered and unreliable as every other woman I've ever met but she is also kind, caring and highly intelligent so I am sure you will be in safe hands. In fact wouldn't trust the site with anyone else. If she can ever make her mind up for long enough to actually get to post anything that is!

Anyway, talk to you all after a week in the sun, lots of steak and plenty of cheap red wine!

Bright Blonde was a virgin!

Yes it's true, at the ripe old age of ** she was a virgin, she had never been to Brands Hatch! But that all changed last week when she went to the A1 Grand Prix. And she loved it!

She did the cooperate bit. Inside in a box, food and drink supplied, not the out in the wind bit that us mere mortals have to do. But she had a fun time and has even agreed to go to Wimbledon for the stock car racing today! I think she will enjoy that as well but there will not be a box and definately no prawn sandwiches!

I will try to do a proper update sometime this week but as you all know I am off to Corfu next week and might not get the time. I will be leaving the site in very capable hands of BB while I am away. Just hope it's still here when I get back!

This is Don Juan!

An up and coming Colombian musician! He can practise with me anytime and I'll happily dance to his tune!

You Really Should Girls and Boys!

Maybe I should become indisposed more often if it means I am greeted by sex God Jamie [if only all the rumours were true as to his whereabouts in between delighting the masses with his presence on the box but I keep dreaming and you just never know!!]and a polemic by Castonya on the delights of salsa.

As usual, his imagination has run riot and I hate to disappoint but most women don't go to salsa to pick up blokes and/or have a quick shag. They actually want to learn to dance because it's fun and good exercise. However, Salsa is as close as you can get to sex on the dance floor, and when I was gyrating in Cuba in the wee hours with the real latinos, I was on fire!

Classes over here don't have quite the same "gay abandon" atmosphere or dancing style but I do recommend you all try it. And yes there is a dearth of sexy men so boys come on down!

Have you ever been to Salsa? Adults Only

Okay, hands up, how many of you have ever been to Salsa? Not many I bet. But believe me if you haven't you are really missing out. Why? Well because Salsa is where women now go to have a dance, get some exercise and pull blokes. There are loads of them there, all shapes and sizes and some seriously fit ones as well.

The music isn't that bad either, some of the musicians are very very good, but the best bit is watching the birds dance! It really does test the buttons on your jeans.

I was actually going to try and learn to dance, it's that good! But it meant trying to organise things with a complete scatterbrain so it never quite worked out. shame really because I was hoping to have learnt the rudimenatries before I got to Corfu. Just going to have to make do with air guitar again!

But seriously, the music is cool, it's a good way to keep fit and there are lots of women just looking for a quick shag at the end of the night. Give it a go!

Here is a latin looking bird.

Have you seen this man?

The man in the photograph appears to have gone missing. He was last seen handcuffed to the bedpost of a pretty buxom blonde in the West London area. It seems he waited until she was asleep and made his escape after being thoroughly drained of energy by her excessive demands.

Should you spot him anywhere you should immediately point him in the direction of his wife who is anxiously waiting for him to pay the credit card bills so she can continue her shopping career.

And another. Adults Only

This young lady is Courtney, as you can see another blonde. One minute I couldn't find any, next they are coming along in groups just like buses.

And this one does compare to BB. In fact there is only one difference between them. I'd like to shag Courtney's brains out! Something I would never attempt with BB because she has far too many of them! You'd be there forever!

No seriously, Courtney is here for the same reason as the last one, she looks good. What better reason could I have than that to put her on?

Take a look here.

Just another blonde. Adults Only

Right i really do need to apologise to you all. I am not bothering with my other sites anymore, I don't have the time. which means you are all going to have to put up with a lot more crumpet, plus maybe even a bit more rambling from me.

I am sorry about that, I know you all get sick of all these half naked women adorning the pages but it's something you are just going to have to learn to put up with. Or go somewhere else of course. Your choice. It's a free Internet. Well at the moment anyway but you can bet Billy Liar is already in negotiations to have any critiscism of him censored out in the near future.

So, because I now don't have another site to put this bird on here she is.

Just another blonde.

I have. Adults Only

This is a bird I have featured before but I've stuck her up again for two reasons. One, because there is something about her that gets me going. two, because I had already saved the pic and copied the link before I realised she had been here before and I can't be bothered to change it.

I also doubt if any of you remeber that far back and a lot of you were not about then anyway. So here she is, a bird I'd like to shag!

See all of the pics here.

Now a blonde. Adults Only

Well you might have noticed that most of the birds I have been featuring lately have been brunettes. Well there is a reason for this. I'm finding it very difficult to find blondes who compare to BB. But I do realise that as we have a blonde helping to run the site now that it is only polite to feature one now and again.

So here we have one, a fit blonde posing on the beach. She doesn't quite compare to BB but she is still worth taking a look at.

See her get her kit off here.

It started with a Kiss. Adults Only

It's that time again when I prove I am not homophobic and do my little bit for the gay community. It's virtually law now anyway, everybody has to keep in mind that the homosexual lifestyle is far more important than anything you believe, more important than your religous beliefs and is the only way to go if you want to live a fulfilled life. So here is my contribution. Hope it's enough to keep the thought police off of my back.

All you gays out there click here.

Well as

Well as BB is indisposed at the moment it is up to me to do something for the ladies. I was going to post some pics of me but didn't want to get them too excited so decided on somebody who looks like me instead. So here, for the peanut gallery and the odd hairdresser who has wandered in, we have Hugh Jackman, the guy from Van Helsing. But why has he had his hair cut?

I've been getting my timings wrong!

I have started looking forward to Corfu now, so much so that I have been getting my timings wrong. I thought it was three weeks Monday but it's not it's actually four. But just to remind myself of what I have to look forward to, and to give you all an idea what it is like there, here are a couple of pics of where I am going. The picture of the pool is from the bar and the building at the end of the pool is the apartments I'm staying in. As you can see it's a long walk!

Number eleven. Kylie Minogue

Well in a further blatant attempt to manipulate the search engines I have gone back to number eleven in the most searched for birds list where we find Kylie Minogue, the tiny bint that hails from the worlds first open prison.

Yes we have Kylie Minogue, and not just any old pic. Here we have Kylie Minogue in a wet t-shirt, complete with nipples and everything! So if you were up all night desperately searching for a pic of Kylie Minogue in a wet t-shirt here she is!

Minger of the Month

I haven't had a Minger of the month for quite a while so thought I'd better put it right. Also, the minger I have chosen, the truly awful Victoria Beckham is fourth most searched for bird on the Internet. So I can kill two birds with one stone, have a right minger on here and get some more saddo's turning up, credit cards at the ready. Three actually, because in the pic Victoria Beckham is flashing her panties and Victoria Beckham flashing her panties is guaranteed to get the perverts flocking in.

But Victoria Beckham really is a minger. Too skinny, plastic tits, pug ugly, can't sing and can't dance. The only reason she is still famous is because she is married to David Beckham, the man who moved to America for bucket loads of money to "further his football career!"

So this is this months minger. The very rough Victoria Beckham, flashing her knickers!

BB is shy. Adults Only

Bright Blonde, I call her that because of her headlights, is being very shy! We had a deal. She was going to do topless car washes outside my office and I was going to take pics and put them on here. I even got permission from her boss. I bought her a brand new bucket in her favourite Liverpool colours and everything was ready to go.

But she keeps making excuses! It's too cold, It's too hot, I'm too busy. Basically I think she has bottled it! I ain't that bothered about the pictures but she has to make her mind up soon or I'm not going to be able to see out of my windscreen!

Here is another bird.

I haven't. adults only

You might have noticed that I haven't had a pop about Billy Liar and his New Taxes Party lately. It's not because I don't care anymore. It's because that there is so much i could get wound up about that I don't know where to start.

They messed it all up. Poor people will earn less money because they have cut the tax rate. The NHS is skint despite record amounts of money being pumped into it. Education is a farce, crime out of control, Gordon Brown nicked people's pensions despite knowing the hardship it would cause, Billy Liar has been knocking out peerages. the human rights act means the criminlas are in control and his wife is cashing in on it.

This government are a disgrace to any civillised society, an affront to Democracy and would, in a civilised country, all be locked up in jail. yet people will still vote for them and scum like Rupert Murdoch supports them through his newspapers.

So what is the point in trying to write about them. whatever I write today they will do something worse tomorrow.

Here is a blonde bird for a change.

Did you notice? Adults Only

Did you notice that since I put BB back in her box last week we haven't had any interference from the 1 cell short of a brain corner? Nothing from the female perpective whatsover. It's odd because I know she cam multi task. She does it when we are playing. I know she can eat and type at the same time, thats multi tasking. But she hasn't dared show her face. Now knows who is boss!

But to be fair she has been not well. Flu I think, so she may just have an excuse, albeit a rather feeble one. You didn't see me slacking when I was ill!

But I didn't have to work when I was ill and she does. So, in truth, I do feel sorry for her. It must be bad enough being a woman but to be ill as well! But rest assured she will be back very soon, as soon as she gets well enough. So please, everyone, join me in wishing her a speedy recovery.

Here is some crumpet.

I've got a new job. Adults Only

Yes, I have a new job! A part time one. I don't get paid for it of course. I'm not that clever! But it is a job I am going to enjoy. I, me, Peter, Castonya the Long, writer of the blurb that goes with the pics of naked women you all come here to see, have a regular column in a magazine! A mini cab trade magazine. every month 70,000 people will get to read my ramblings.

Well I say regular, they have published my first go next month and provided I get the stuff in on time every month and it's to the same standard then I have a regular column.

I have even got myself an unpaid proof reader. She has all the right qualifications to work for me as well. Big tits.

So, as I keep telling you all, don't just look at the pics read the words. One day, when I'm columnist for one of the daily papers you will be able to say. I read his website!

Here is a bird.

The Reason. Adults Only

Okay this must come as a bit of a surprise, naked woman at this time of night. But my mum is in hospital so don't have to wait for her to go to bed. She seems okay and should be out next week. Her only problem now is her blood pressure so everything should be cool.

While I was there I spoke to the doctor. Everything is about right for her age. Apart from her tongue. He said it was the fittest he had seen in a long time. Probably because for as far as I can remember it's been the first thing up in the morning, hasn't stopped all day and is the last thing to go to bed at night.

But yes he does seem fine and hopefully will be out soon. But in the meantime.

Here is a bird at nine o'clock in the evening.

I'm not supposed to be here. Adults Only

No, I am not. I'm supposed to be racing. Practising actually. Le Mans, in a 1976 Ford GT 40. A lovely car to look at but a real pain to drive! I'm used to anti lock brakes, traction control, adjustable shocks, air dams, all the essentials.

What I've got is a 600BHP unguided missile with drum brakes at the back, a top speed of over 200mph and a suspension bought from Kwik Fit. I'm supposed to guide this thing around the track as fast as possible. It's not easy.

Then we come to the track, Le Mans, about 100 miles long with enough corners to make the Pakistani's a serious rival to Tescos. Well maybe not 100 miles but you know what I mean, 5 minute laps! I'm supposed to learn that? Are they having a laugh?

Against the computer then maybe eventually I could get there. But I'm supposed to be racing real people on the Internet on Sunday and I can't even get round a lap without crashing at the moment.

So I thought, I'm going to be last anyway so sod it lets update the website. So you all got lucky tonight!

Now here is a bird.

Back to the hostages. Adults Only

Well that was a fantastic success for the Iranian government wasn't it. They got exactly what they wanted. They needed a popularity boost and the perfect way to get some of their citizens back on track was to humiliate the west.

What you have to remember about Iran is that it's government was voted in. Western comentators have remarked on how fair the vote was. And unlike this country, where less than 25% of Englishman voted for the lying, thieving piece of scum that runs the country, 68% of Iranians voted for the religous nutter who runs theirs. They are the ones who actually live in a democracy. It's us who live in a dictatorship.

So they do have to worry what the public think. If they want to impose their will on their society they have to have the support of the people to do it. Our government does what it pleases because it knows that we can't do anything about it.

So they kidnapp some British sailors, to get some publicity, and as usual or press was ready to give it to them. Instead of just reporting the essential facts, keeping the fuss to as little as possible and deny the Iranians their propaganda coupe our wonderful democratic press decided selling more newspapers was far more important than the lives of anybody else unfortunate enough to suffer when the next nutter wan't some publicity.

In matters like this the only thing the newspapers should report is the facts. Coverage should be kept to a bare minimum, just what people need to know. Our media gave these lunatics free publicity throuhout the world.

Without the whole world knowing, discussing and coveribg it all over their front pages there would be no point these idiots pulling stunts like this. But all the time our media is run by the corrupt businessmen who finance the corrupt politicians we have then national security and people's safety will come second to selling newspapers and advertising space on prime time TV.

Now here is a bird.

And dont forget

There is another GP this weekend, Bahrain. Also second race of The British Superbikes at Thruxton. Both on ITV Sunday.

And now

And now she's trying to say I set her up for that! As if I would!

Well isn't that typical!

Well doesn't that just about sum a woman up. I give her permission to come on here and do a little bit for the peanut gallery every now and again. And what happens? she comes on here and starts contradicting me! Only a woman could take such a liberty.

Well firstly Miss BB. I never said that women were like dogs! I know the difference between a woman and a dog. You don't have to microchip a woman before you take her out in public!

Secondly, of course men want to shag their female friends! As we get older we often do. A quiet night in with a few of your female friends and a bottle of baby oil can make for a very nice evening. We even pair them up and enjoy them two at a time. It's why we have female friends. to shag them!

It's you women who are the strange ones. So you'd rather shag an aquaintance than a friend. Shag someone you don't know very well rather than someone you trust? Well I wont embarrass you by telling everybody your nick name but now I know how you got it.

And where do you get the idea we have a feminine side? I haven't started letting hair dressers in yet and until I do then I can assure you that none of the men on here have a feminine side to get in touch with! And a bird educating a bloke! What do you think this is, the 21st century?

And all this fancying rubbish. Do what we do, have a few pints and think of England. Semms to me it's you that needs some shaking and stiring!

Sorry about all that boys. I will try and keep her under a bit tighter control from now on.

So many answers!

I see in my absence C has been philosophising about relationships between men and women - can we be just friends, etc? I would like to say YES unequivocally! But as C has recognised life is not that simple. But here are some answers and perhaps more questions.

Most women like men's company but do not necessarily want to "shag" all of them. Surely that can be true for men too? I see no problem with the concept of "shag buddies" but the reality is different. Sex with a male friend you only see very occasionally can be ok and hassle-free. There is no commitment, no expectation, no arrangements about going to the cinema next week, no holidays to plan,..

But sex with a friend with whom you have regular contact - a true "buddy" who knows your schedule better than you do, who you do go to the cinema with, and plan events with, that is completely different. Sleeping together, sex or not, is an intimate act. Inevitably, unless a "Harry met Sally" moment happens, one of you ends up wanting more out of the relationship than the other.

The what if's beg more questions. They work both ways though chaps. The number of times us girls "educate" and help blokes to open their hearts, find their feminine side, choose gifts for other women,...to suddenly be attending their weddings. And thinking hang on, that could have been me.

But I think true friends can handle all of that emotional stuff as long as they're honest with each other and talk about it. Surely if you care about someone you would rather keep them in your life than let another bloke or bird get in the way.

For fun, I am going to contest C's use of language re his "take" on when women and men are in a relationship: "men are quite happy to let them have male friends,..." We are not dogs on a leash to be let off at our owner's whim! No woman or man owns another - they choose to come together to form a partnership but retain their individual characters.

As for the perfection/fussy question - absolute bollocks!

Women rarely have realistic ideals. Yes they have pin up thoughts [Jamie, Bryan, Bolo, talking personally...] but that's not what happens re who we fall in love with or decide to date seriously. We actually care most about personality and compatibility - someone who makes us laugh, whose company we enjoy, with whom we have chemistry. Yes there has to be a fancy factor, a spark but if that comes without the rest then there's nothing of substance.

It's not a matter of lowering standards, it's all to do with getting the ingredients that work for both of you. And sometimes they need a bit of shaking and stirring to come to the fore.

Here's a couple who had chemistry.

Later than planned.

Here, later than planned because the site crashed and wouldn't let me post, is a pic just for BB. Basically because she has just been to see them win and I know she likes this guy!

Kate Beckinsale

Now whilst we were playing last night BB and I both watched the very good Van Helsing film. And I, very rashly, told her I would put up a photo of the star of the film. So here she is, just for BB, Kate Beckinsale! At least I think thats who she wanted?

Well it worked. Adults Only

Yes, all those upskirt photo's I don't have and the most searched for women feature really got the punters flooding in again. Now all I have to do is keep them here. But how I am I supposed to do that? How do you keep the sort of sad git then spends his time looking for glimpses of celebrity flesh interested? I guess all I can do is keep posting pics of real women and hope that they stay.

So here is a blonde who may or may not be naked under her dress. Find out here.

Just a cute nineteen year old. Adults Only

Well here we have a cute nineteen year old brunette. She is not here for any reason other than she looks good. Is that sexist? I hope so!

See all her bits here.

I cant actually be bothered. adults Only

i cant actually be bothered to do much typing tonight. i still haven't got any nitrous and I'm actually just taking advantage of the fact that BB went to Liverpool to see them progress to the semi finals of the champions league so I have chance to update without her constantly playing with me. And I figured I might as well do it while I have the time.

So if there is too much crumpet and not enough words then I'm sorry but you will just have to put up with it.

Now here is a blonde getting her kit off.

So many questions. Adults Only

Can men and women just be friends? Enjoy a platonic relationship, just enjoy each others company? I suppose it's feasible but there is a problem in that the man is always going to want to shag the woman.

Because basically men and women are completely different in their attitudes. Most men could quite happily have fun times with a bird, knowing she's just a friend, but still happily jump into bed with her at the end of the day, sort of like a shag buddy.

But most women don't work like that. they won't shag a friend. They think it will spoil things. So thats problem number one.

Then what if the bloke actually really cares about her and wants to be more than friends, but she doesn't want to know? What does he do then? Does he just keep seeing her and hope she changes her mind?

What if he just accepts it, puts up with the fact that she doesn't want to know and just enjoys her company anyway. It seems to me that that situation can cause problems as well. What happens when she gets a bloke? How does he cope with that, knowing someone else is getting what he desperately wants and is never going to get? How does he cope with meeting her new bloke and trying to be happy for her when inside he is hurting?

Do women understand that when they are in a relationship men are quite happy to let them have male friends, dance with other men etc because they know that the woman is theirs and thinks they are special? Do they understand that usually when a man gets jealous it's because he's not with her and isn't getting what he craves?

And why are women so bloody fussy in the first place? Why do they always want a guy to be perfect? Why is it that a man can accept a womans faults, overlook a lot of her physical defects because he thinks such a lot of her. But a woman always wants the man to be the man of her dreams, the perfect specimen.

Maybe if woman were to lower their standards now and again, as we men do, they would be far better off and far happier.

Now here is a bird I'd happily lower my standards for!

Some Art. Adults Only

Well as you all know I am a very cultured man who really appreciates the arts so I figured it was time we did some arty farty stuff on the site. And just by way of a change I thought I would do something that features a scantily clad young lady.

So here we have lovely Ballerina Ira going through her routine whilst simultaneosly removing her clothes.

See it here.

Keep Whistling for the Women!

Good afternoon everyone - yes it is my birthday! And I've been indulging myself in the sunshine in preparation for a hot night of salsa.

It has come to my attention that a backward looking building firm has banned its employees from wolf whistling at women "because it makes them feel uncomfortable". Bollocks! As any full-blooded female will tell you, we love it. How uplifting is it to be strolling down the street to hear those long whistling tones perhaps accompanied by an "'ello darlin'" or "hey gorgeous",..provided nothing too lurid is shouted, I defy any heterosexual woman not to feel a skip in the heart, a slight stirring and a spring in the step!

What a surprise to discover that the firm in question is a sub-contractor to Wimpey - guess they're just not up to the job!

Girls - I've been trying to find a fit builder pic but with limited success so here are the fruits of my labour.

Well there you go then. Adults Only

Well there you go then, my first major update in quite a while. Remember to start at the bottom and work your way up. It was not as easy to do without any rocket fuel. Well the technical stuff was easier but without the benefit of a revved up roll up the thinking was harder. But still, there was less waffle and I stuck to the point which is a change I suppose. Plus I think the speeling was a bit better.

BB left me alone this morning which was why I was able to get on with it but I think I still managed to make her happy anyway. So here as a finale, we have Jenna with a bottle of baby oil.

See her shine here.

Another complaint. Adults Only

Well I have just had another complaint. Some bird has written in complaining that the site is sexist! Of course it's sexist! Thats the point! Why is it women always have to complain? I bet she's a right old dog as well. It's always the rough ones who have a problem with us men doing what comes naturally. I think they are probably jealous.

Well Ms Diesel, yes it is sexist, it's supposed to be sexist. We do have a woman's hour occasionally when BB gets her arse in gear but the rest of the time this site is for men. If you don't like it go elsewhere!

Now here is a bird in her natural environment.

BB will be delighted

For some reason Louise Redknapp didn't make the top one hundred, which will delight BB as she is jealous of her. I can't see why she didn't make it myself. Whats wrong with her. I wouldn't turn her down anyway.

I freely admit that i do have a big advantage. I just take my glasses off and as long as the lumps and the wet patch are in the right place then I'm sorted. But even with my bins on she isn't that bad.

What do you think?

Number 17

Number seventeen on the list is Charlotte Church. You may remember that we featured Charloot Church topless quite a while ago. I think we featured Charlotte Church upskirt as well. It will all be in the archives but I can't be bothered to look. If you are that desperate to see Charlotte Church topless you can go and look yourself.

This is a strange one as well. When you search in image search you get a choice of sizes. But for Charlotte Church you only get a choice of large or extra large.

Anyway here she is, voice of an angel, body of a prop forward. Charlotte Church, not topless and not upskirt.

Number nine was a minger.

Well number nine on the list was a minger so I gave her a miss. So here is number eight, Madonna, which is rather appropriate as it's Easter.

Once again it's not Madonna topless or Madonna upskirt, Madonna knickeless, Madonna flashing her panties or any of the other phrases that the preverts search for. But it is Madonna enjoying a lesbian kiss.

Those kind people

Those kind people at MSN have published a list of the top 100 searched for women on the Internet. Which makes my job og getting new visitors to the site a hell of a lot easier!

At number 10 are Girls Aloud. I have searched for some Girls Aloud upskirt pics and I've searched for some Girls Aloud topless pics. I can't actually find any but as you all know it doesn't matter because just the fact that I have mentioned them will have the punters flocking in.

So here are are Girls Aloud, not Girls Aloud topless or Girls aloud flashing their knickers, but Girls Aloud anyway.

Just a little reminder

This is just a little hint for BB that she needs to send an e-mail soon! For those of you who don't know it's actually Bryan Adams.

This is the man who was rumoured to have shagged Princess Doggie, sorry Diana. Which just goes to show that even some of the top stars are not fussy!

Burlington Arrow

Well one of our regular readers has just bought himself a Burlington kit car. This is a car based on a Triumph Herald where she build the car from scratch with from a set of plans. My dad bought a set of plans for one of these and we were going to build one but his garage ended up closing and we never got round to it.

I don't think this one is going to end up as intended, I think he is going to make a rod out of it. But here are a couple of pics of what they originally were intended to look like.