My letter to the parking office in Clacton

Penalty Charge number TG50403735

Dear Sir/Madam

It seems that I am guilty of the heinous crime of being disabled 24 hours a day seven days week instead of at the convenience of Tendering council and I did indeed park in a disabled bay 15 minutes before the permitted time.

Could you please extend my apologies to any of the hundreds of lorry drivers who were trying to deliver at 15.45 on Good Friday and whom I may have delayed by parking in the deserted road. Please assure them I have asked my doctors if they have a magic pill to make my cancer disappear at will and they are working on it so I won’t hold them up again in future.

The fine of £60, which strangely enough is exactly the same as somebody in full time employment, able bodied and parking in a disabled bay without a badge would get, is almost two thirds of my total weekly income and I quite obviously cannot afford to pay it all in one go. So please find enclosed six post dated cheques for £10 each.

Of course my illness is terminal so I may actually die before the last couple are honoured but that is a chance you will just have to take. Think of it as a free entry into a lottery!

When I get depressed about dying I think of people like you whose only purpose in life is to make as many people as miserable as possible and suddenly a terminal illness doesn’t seem such a bad thing anymore.

Thanks for your understanding.

Peter McClarnon