Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Max Power
Max Power describes itself as the definitive guide to arseing about in cars. The magazine is great and it also has it's own web site. Featuring hot cars and even hotter babes this is a must see site for anyone who likes hot cars and hot women.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
UK Rudegirl. Adults Only
This gorgeous babe is UK Rudegirl, probably the hottest English amateur on the Internet. She is one tasty babe, and having been lucky enough to eat her once I mean that quite literally! She has the best free site there is, all you need is a hotmail account to gain entrance.
What will you get? I hear you ask. Well, lots of pics of UKR entertaining her friends, both male and female. Lots of pics of the members. The chance to meet the lovely lady herself and lots more. It really is a great site and it is all free.
Very soon she will be launching another site which will be even ruder, if that is possible. I will let you know as soon as it's open, if you ever bother coming back here after seeing her site! Stop wasting time, if you are over 18 go and take a look now. It is fantastic. Don't forget to tell her I sent you.
What will you get? I hear you ask. Well, lots of pics of UKR entertaining her friends, both male and female. Lots of pics of the members. The chance to meet the lovely lady herself and lots more. It really is a great site and it is all free.
Very soon she will be launching another site which will be even ruder, if that is possible. I will let you know as soon as it's open, if you ever bother coming back here after seeing her site! Stop wasting time, if you are over 18 go and take a look now. It is fantastic. Don't forget to tell her I sent you.
Do you like porn? Adults Only XXXXXX
Are you one of the millions of people who download porn on the Internet? I have heard it can be very confusing and some of the more unsavoury people who run these sites put dialers and over stuff like that on their sites that can totally mess up your computer.
But I have found a safe one, and it's FREE! Yes, over 400 pictures and about 50 video clips of hardcore porn, totally free and totally safe. This is all XXX stuff so you MUST be eighteen to go there. If you are and porn doesn't offend you then click here.
But I have found a safe one, and it's FREE! Yes, over 400 pictures and about 50 video clips of hardcore porn, totally free and totally safe. This is all XXX stuff so you MUST be eighteen to go there. If you are and porn doesn't offend you then click here.
Tara likes them big!
Well it is official. Tara Reid, star of American Pie and the girl who flashed her plastic boobs at an awards ceremony, like them big. Her men that is. It's just a shame I am too big for her! I will have to get in touch with Abi Titmuss instead!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Before we continue
Today, in the developing world, one child dies every 3 seconds because of the basic lack of safe water, healthcare, shelter or food – the things we often take for granted.
With your help, we can stop this needless loss of lives. So please act now and visit the Worldvision site.
With your help, we can stop this needless loss of lives. So please act now and visit the Worldvision site.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Valentines cards by men.
Imagine if men wrote the rhymes in Valentines cards.
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
The blondes dream
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
The blonde school girl
Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.
Friday, November 19, 2004
The original Supercar?
This is the car I have always wanted. In my opinion the worlds first true Supercar. The Ford GT40. With it's light weight chassis and a V8 engine churning out plenty of horsepower this was a seriously quick car. And it looked fantastic as well. When I win the lottery this will be near the top of my list.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Simply Babes
Just lately this site has been a bit top heavy with pics of lovely young ladies. Now I know we all like to see totty getting their kit off but the site is supposed to feature everything men like, not just what we spend most of time thinking about. So, for those of you who only want to lust after fit crumpet I have created a new site. Simply Babes is just that. Fit women, with links to their photo's and video's. Get your tissues out and go and take a look.
What a tool!
No that's not what Abi Titmuss said when she was telling Tara Reid about me. I'm talking about the Nissan Skyline GTR. Not only does it look fantastic it doesn't hang about either! A serious tool for the serious driver.
R34 GTR
Engine
Model: RB26DETT
Config: Inline 6 Cyl.
Capacity: 2568 cc
Valves: 4/cyl (24)
Valve Actuation: DOHC
Forced Induction: Twin Turbos
Fuel System: Sequential multi-point injection
Compression Ratio: 8.5 : 1
Max Power: 280 bhp @ 6800 rpm
Max Torque: 40.0 kgm @ 4400 rpm
Transmission
Config: 4 wheel drv, ATTESA E-TS Pro controlled
Gearbox model: Getrag 6-speed manual
Suspension: Multi-link
Braking: Brembo racing with ABS
Performance
Top Speed: 155 mph
Acceleration 0-62mph: 5.2s
R34 GTR
Engine
Model: RB26DETT
Config: Inline 6 Cyl.
Capacity: 2568 cc
Valves: 4/cyl (24)
Valve Actuation: DOHC
Forced Induction: Twin Turbos
Fuel System: Sequential multi-point injection
Compression Ratio: 8.5 : 1
Max Power: 280 bhp @ 6800 rpm
Max Torque: 40.0 kgm @ 4400 rpm
Transmission
Config: 4 wheel drv, ATTESA E-TS Pro controlled
Gearbox model: Getrag 6-speed manual
Suspension: Multi-link
Braking: Brembo racing with ABS
Performance
Top Speed: 155 mph
Acceleration 0-62mph: 5.2s
Feed the World?
So Band Aid 2 is going to help feed the poor in Africa and make the world a better place? Really? Well maybe, if all the money received was going to go straight to the poor, then yes, in the short term. But how much of the £3.99 a copy for this awful piece of music is actually going to get to the poor?
By the time the costs have been taken out, the expenses claims, the advertising industries cut etc, there will be very little left for the poor people of Africa. The cynical, myself included, might even say this is nothing more than a huge publicity stunt for the artists involved.
Just think about it a minute. They give up a few hours of their time and get the sort of publicity that would normally cost them a fortune. If you really want to help the poor DONT buy this crappy CD, instead donate directly to a charity. You will be doing far more good and a lot more of what you donate will go directly to help the people who need it, rather than making a bunch of millionaires feel better about themselves.
Make a monthly gift to Oxfam and help to fight poverty.
By the time the costs have been taken out, the expenses claims, the advertising industries cut etc, there will be very little left for the poor people of Africa. The cynical, myself included, might even say this is nothing more than a huge publicity stunt for the artists involved.
Just think about it a minute. They give up a few hours of their time and get the sort of publicity that would normally cost them a fortune. If you really want to help the poor DONT buy this crappy CD, instead donate directly to a charity. You will be doing far more good and a lot more of what you donate will go directly to help the people who need it, rather than making a bunch of millionaires feel better about themselves.
Make a monthly gift to Oxfam and help to fight poverty.
Just good friends?
Well no. A lot more than that actually! To see these three beauties really get to know each other click here. Strictly adults only.
Holly thumbs a ride
When Holly thumbs a ride she gets a lot more than she bargained for! Strictly adults only.
Penny Flame
The lovely Penny, getting back to nature, posing on some rocks. If you are over 18 and want to get your rocks off seeing her as nature intended then click here.
Avery Adams
Yet another lovely brunette with a great body. Avery Adams is well worth a closer look. Over 18's only.
Long Long Legs
The lovely long legs below belong to Lady Christa, an amateur exhibitionist who just loves to show off her fantastic body. Take a look here.
The very lovely Stacey
Just another stunning blonde with a great body. Click here to take a proper look.
The lovely Natasha
Below you will find some pics of the lovely Natasha, better boobs than Tara Reid, far hornier than Abi Titmuss, and she flashes more than her boobs! To see more of Natasha, plus some of her lovely friends click here. This link contains both explicit photographs and videos so if you are under age or sexually explicit material offends you then please go somewhere else.
Angel in White
This lovely lady looks so sweet and innocent. Virginal you could say. Is she a virgin? What do you think? If you are an adult then click here to find out.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Single woman
A girl walks into a Supermarket and buys
1 Bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving of a frozen dinner
Guy at the checkout stand checks her out and
says "Single, are you?"
the girl flutters her eyelashes, smiles and
replies.."How did you
guess?"
He repiles, "Because you're really ugly".
1 Bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving of a frozen dinner
Guy at the checkout stand checks her out and
says "Single, are you?"
the girl flutters her eyelashes, smiles and
replies.."How did you
guess?"
He repiles, "Because you're really ugly".
In the beginning
God made Adam and saw that he was good, and Adam saw that he was good. However Adam was getting quite lonely and upon seeing this God said to him, "I can make you a partner."
Adam became excited. "A Partner?"
"Yes," God began. "She will be beautiful at all times and clean and cook and wash. She will love you with all of her heart. She will always be there for you, She will be like your personal slave."
Adam smiled. "oh God, I want one."
God replied, "You can have one but it will be expensive." Adam didn't care.
"It will cost an arm, a leg, and a shoulder."
Adam thought about it for a while, sighed and asked, "Well..what can I get for a rib?"
Adam became excited. "A Partner?"
"Yes," God began. "She will be beautiful at all times and clean and cook and wash. She will love you with all of her heart. She will always be there for you, She will be like your personal slave."
Adam smiled. "oh God, I want one."
God replied, "You can have one but it will be expensive." Adam didn't care.
"It will cost an arm, a leg, and a shoulder."
Adam thought about it for a while, sighed and asked, "Well..what can I get for a rib?"
After the ark
After the Great Flood when Mr and Ms Noah (we don't know for sure if they were married or merely co-habiting) had been adrift in the Ark for a week or two Mr Noah approached his wife in some trepidation:
"Darling", he said with a perplexed frown, "There's a problem I simply can't keep from you any longer and it's getting worse."
"Oh my..." replied Ms/Mrs Noah. "What ever is it?"
Mr Noah blushed and cleared his throat:
"It's the animals, dearest."
"Are they sick?"
"No, they're all well"
"Are they hungry?"
"No, they all have plenty of food."
"Are the dogs fighting with the cats again?"
"No, my dearest one, peace reigns supreme in the sanctuary of the Lord."
"Then what's the matter?"
"Haven't you noticed that the ark is listing a bit lately?"
"Well, now you mention it, I had noticed a slight lean to port, but I thought it was just the wind."
"No, it's not wind, dear, although the problem IS connected with wind..."
"Whatever do you mean? Don't talk in riddles, Noah!"
"Sorry, my sweet. It's the - ahem, er -um, waste products."
"Waste products?"
"Yes, you know, waste. Animals produce waste."
"If you mean shit why not say shit, Noah!"
Noah nodded. "Yes, it's the - the, er, shit, dear. I'm afraid that's what's making the ark list to port..."
"Well why don't you distribute it equally between port and starboard?"
"What a brilliant idea!" So Noah did as his wife suggested, but a week later he came to her again looking even more worried than before.
"What is it now, dear?"
"I'm afraid there's no more room on either side of the Ark for the er..um...shit.
"Well pile it in the front and back then!" said Mrs/Ms Noah brusquely. "Really, I have no idea why the Lord chose you. Your brain is like the four-headed man-eating Elephant Fish of Mount Ararat."
"In what way, dear?"
"It doesn't exist."
"Noah did as his wife told him but within another week he was back again
"I suppose you're going to tell me you've run out of places to store the shit?"
"I'm afraid so", Said Mr Noah.
Mrs Noah's face turned purple and she slapped her husband.
"Well -THROW THE FUCKING SHIT OVER THE SIDE WHY DON'T YOU!!!"
Noah did as she asked and 1,764 years later Christopher Columbus discovered it and called it AMERICA.
"Darling", he said with a perplexed frown, "There's a problem I simply can't keep from you any longer and it's getting worse."
"Oh my..." replied Ms/Mrs Noah. "What ever is it?"
Mr Noah blushed and cleared his throat:
"It's the animals, dearest."
"Are they sick?"
"No, they're all well"
"Are they hungry?"
"No, they all have plenty of food."
"Are the dogs fighting with the cats again?"
"No, my dearest one, peace reigns supreme in the sanctuary of the Lord."
"Then what's the matter?"
"Haven't you noticed that the ark is listing a bit lately?"
"Well, now you mention it, I had noticed a slight lean to port, but I thought it was just the wind."
"No, it's not wind, dear, although the problem IS connected with wind..."
"Whatever do you mean? Don't talk in riddles, Noah!"
"Sorry, my sweet. It's the - ahem, er -um, waste products."
"Waste products?"
"Yes, you know, waste. Animals produce waste."
"If you mean shit why not say shit, Noah!"
Noah nodded. "Yes, it's the - the, er, shit, dear. I'm afraid that's what's making the ark list to port..."
"Well why don't you distribute it equally between port and starboard?"
"What a brilliant idea!" So Noah did as his wife suggested, but a week later he came to her again looking even more worried than before.
"What is it now, dear?"
"I'm afraid there's no more room on either side of the Ark for the er..um...shit.
"Well pile it in the front and back then!" said Mrs/Ms Noah brusquely. "Really, I have no idea why the Lord chose you. Your brain is like the four-headed man-eating Elephant Fish of Mount Ararat."
"In what way, dear?"
"It doesn't exist."
"Noah did as his wife told him but within another week he was back again
"I suppose you're going to tell me you've run out of places to store the shit?"
"I'm afraid so", Said Mr Noah.
Mrs Noah's face turned purple and she slapped her husband.
"Well -THROW THE FUCKING SHIT OVER THE SIDE WHY DON'T YOU!!!"
Noah did as she asked and 1,764 years later Christopher Columbus discovered it and called it AMERICA.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Revenge
It was beautifully warm spring day when a man and his wife decided to visit the zoo. His pretty young wife was wearing a very short black skirt and a skimpy blue crop-top. As they strolled past the primate area a huge, male gorilla suddenly jumped up on the bars of his cage, grunted loudly and thumped his chest with his free hand.
"I think he fancies you." said the man.
"Nonsense", replied his wife. "He's just a big monkey."
"He looks pretty excited to me. Why don't you come on to him and see what he does."
His wife giggled and blew the gorilla a big kiss. The gorilla jabbered excitedly and rubbed it's crotch.
"See, he likes you!", said her husband. "Go on, tease him some more."
So she went right up to the cage, wiggled her bottom, and ran her hands slowly up and down her thighs. The Gorilla went wild and pounded his chest.
"He's gagging for it" said her husband. "Go on, give him a real thrill."
So his wife pushed her top up and started rubbing her hands all over her tits.
The Gorilla rattled the bars of it's cage and howled in frustration.
"Is there anyone looking?" asked his wife.
Her husband shook his head. She took off her top , slipped out of her bra and waved her tits at the animal.
The Gorilla was beside itself and tore at the bars in a frenzy of grunts and shrieks.
"Now take off your panties."
His wife pulled up her skirt and rolled her panties down. Then she put her hand between her legs and started fingering her pussy. Then she licked her fingers.
The gorilla went beserk and smashed the lock on the door.
Suddenly, the husband ripped his wife's panties off, wrenched open the door, and pushed her into the arms of the gorilla.
"Now, tell HIM you've got a headache!"
"I think he fancies you." said the man.
"Nonsense", replied his wife. "He's just a big monkey."
"He looks pretty excited to me. Why don't you come on to him and see what he does."
His wife giggled and blew the gorilla a big kiss. The gorilla jabbered excitedly and rubbed it's crotch.
"See, he likes you!", said her husband. "Go on, tease him some more."
So she went right up to the cage, wiggled her bottom, and ran her hands slowly up and down her thighs. The Gorilla went wild and pounded his chest.
"He's gagging for it" said her husband. "Go on, give him a real thrill."
So his wife pushed her top up and started rubbing her hands all over her tits.
The Gorilla rattled the bars of it's cage and howled in frustration.
"Is there anyone looking?" asked his wife.
Her husband shook his head. She took off her top , slipped out of her bra and waved her tits at the animal.
The Gorilla was beside itself and tore at the bars in a frenzy of grunts and shrieks.
"Now take off your panties."
His wife pulled up her skirt and rolled her panties down. Then she put her hand between her legs and started fingering her pussy. Then she licked her fingers.
The gorilla went beserk and smashed the lock on the door.
Suddenly, the husband ripped his wife's panties off, wrenched open the door, and pushed her into the arms of the gorilla.
"Now, tell HIM you've got a headache!"
Dont try this at home
One day a young woman went into a pet shop to buy some cat food for her pussy. As she was putting her purchases on the counter she noticed a small cardboard box with some frogs in it and a large sign that read: “Snatch Eating Frogs now ONLY £19.99 each (comes with full instructions).”
She looked around guiltily to see if anybody was watching her and whispered to the salesman behind the counter. “Will these do what I think they do?"
"What do you think they'll do?" asked the salesman.
"Eat.. er, um - eat my snatch?" whispered the woman.
"You bet," said the salesman.
"I’ll take one," said the woman excitedly.
The salesman wrapped up a frog and put in the woman's bag. She was so excited by the time that she got home that she went straight to her bedroom and locked the door. Then she unwrapped the frog and read the following instructions:
"Get undressed and take a shower. Then put on some nice smelling perfume and your sexiest knickers. Get into bed, spread your legs really wide and put the frog down between them."
Three minutes later she lay down on the bed, breathless with anticipation. To her surprise, nothing happened. "Perhaps the frog doesn't like my perfume," she said to herself. So she took another shower and tried a different perfume. She got back into bed and put the frog between her legs again, but still nothing happened. "Perhaps the frog doesn't like these knickers," she said to herself. So she tried another pair knickers - still nothing. So she took a third shower, tried yet another perfume and another pair of knickers. But the frog just sat between her legs blinking at her with its watery eyes. So then she tried it with no knickers. The frog never moved an inch. Then she tried lying on her tummy - still nothing. By this time she was so angry and frustrated that she got dressed, poured herself a stiff drink, and read the instructions again, in case she'd missed something important. Right at the bottom of the paper in small print it said: “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop.”
So, she did.
"Your snatch-eating frog doesn't work!" she shouted down the telephone. "I've tried everything and the bloody animal never moved a muscle!"
“I'm very sorry to hear that, madame, " said the salesman. "To be perfectly frank, you are the fourth customer who's complained this week. I’ll be right over.”
As soon as salesman arrived he asked her if she would mind showing him exactly what she did when she unwrapped the frog.
"Well - I'm not sure," she said warily. "I hardly know you."
"But I have to know if you've followed the instructions properly, madame."
She reluctantly agreed and took another shower. Then she put on some perfume, a pair of knickers and laid down on the bed with her legs apart. Then the salesman put the frog between her legs.
"See!" she said, angrily, "I’ve done everything according to the instructions and the bloody thing just sits there staring at me with its googly eyes!” The man was very concerned. He picked up the frog, looked deeply into its eyes and said:
“I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”
She looked around guiltily to see if anybody was watching her and whispered to the salesman behind the counter. “Will these do what I think they do?"
"What do you think they'll do?" asked the salesman.
"Eat.. er, um - eat my snatch?" whispered the woman.
"You bet," said the salesman.
"I’ll take one," said the woman excitedly.
The salesman wrapped up a frog and put in the woman's bag. She was so excited by the time that she got home that she went straight to her bedroom and locked the door. Then she unwrapped the frog and read the following instructions:
"Get undressed and take a shower. Then put on some nice smelling perfume and your sexiest knickers. Get into bed, spread your legs really wide and put the frog down between them."
Three minutes later she lay down on the bed, breathless with anticipation. To her surprise, nothing happened. "Perhaps the frog doesn't like my perfume," she said to herself. So she took another shower and tried a different perfume. She got back into bed and put the frog between her legs again, but still nothing happened. "Perhaps the frog doesn't like these knickers," she said to herself. So she tried another pair knickers - still nothing. So she took a third shower, tried yet another perfume and another pair of knickers. But the frog just sat between her legs blinking at her with its watery eyes. So then she tried it with no knickers. The frog never moved an inch. Then she tried lying on her tummy - still nothing. By this time she was so angry and frustrated that she got dressed, poured herself a stiff drink, and read the instructions again, in case she'd missed something important. Right at the bottom of the paper in small print it said: “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop.”
So, she did.
"Your snatch-eating frog doesn't work!" she shouted down the telephone. "I've tried everything and the bloody animal never moved a muscle!"
“I'm very sorry to hear that, madame, " said the salesman. "To be perfectly frank, you are the fourth customer who's complained this week. I’ll be right over.”
As soon as salesman arrived he asked her if she would mind showing him exactly what she did when she unwrapped the frog.
"Well - I'm not sure," she said warily. "I hardly know you."
"But I have to know if you've followed the instructions properly, madame."
She reluctantly agreed and took another shower. Then she put on some perfume, a pair of knickers and laid down on the bed with her legs apart. Then the salesman put the frog between her legs.
"See!" she said, angrily, "I’ve done everything according to the instructions and the bloody thing just sits there staring at me with its googly eyes!” The man was very concerned. He picked up the frog, looked deeply into its eyes and said:
“I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”
The honeymoon
A young couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed about to consummate the marriage, when the blushing bride turned to the husband and murmured:
"Darling — I have a confession to make — I'm not a virgin."
"That's no big thing in this day and age," replied her husband.
"Thanks..." continued the woman; "I've only been with one other man."
"Oh yeah?" asked the husband Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Not Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yess.."
"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then made passionate love. When they were finished, the husband got up and walked to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asked his wife.
"I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Oh!" exclaimed his wife disappointedly. "Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" asked her husband.
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband put down the phone and got back into bed and made love to his wife a second time. When they were finished, he got up and went over to the phone.
"What are you doing?" She asked him.
"I'm still hungry, darling, so I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that," said his wife sulkily.
"Oh yeah? What the fuck would Tiger do?" demanded her husband irritably.
"He'd come back to bed and do it a third time."
The man slammed the phone down and threw himself on top of his wife. Then he shagged her solidly for two hours. When she was finally satisfied, he dragged himself over the phone and started to dial with a trembling hand. His wife licked her lips and began to caress herself provocatively.
"Are you calling room service? She asked him.
"No!" snarled her husband, "I'm calling Tiger fucking Woods to find out what's par for this damned hole!"
"Darling — I have a confession to make — I'm not a virgin."
"That's no big thing in this day and age," replied her husband.
"Thanks..." continued the woman; "I've only been with one other man."
"Oh yeah?" asked the husband Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Not Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yess.."
"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then made passionate love. When they were finished, the husband got up and walked to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asked his wife.
"I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Oh!" exclaimed his wife disappointedly. "Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" asked her husband.
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband put down the phone and got back into bed and made love to his wife a second time. When they were finished, he got up and went over to the phone.
"What are you doing?" She asked him.
"I'm still hungry, darling, so I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that," said his wife sulkily.
"Oh yeah? What the fuck would Tiger do?" demanded her husband irritably.
"He'd come back to bed and do it a third time."
The man slammed the phone down and threw himself on top of his wife. Then he shagged her solidly for two hours. When she was finally satisfied, he dragged himself over the phone and started to dial with a trembling hand. His wife licked her lips and began to caress herself provocatively.
"Are you calling room service? She asked him.
"No!" snarled her husband, "I'm calling Tiger fucking Woods to find out what's par for this damned hole!"
Baileys
A very pretty girl went into a the lounge bar of a pub and ordered a triple Baileys.
The barman poured it out and she knocked it back in two gulps.
"Gimme another"
The barman complied and she downed it in one.
Then she bolted five more triple Baileys, passed out, and everybody in the lounge bar shagged her senseless.
The next night she walked stiffly into the bar, sat down gingerly, and said:
"Gimme a triple Baileys, and make it snappy."
The barman gave her a triple Baileys, and she knocked it back in one gulp. Then she had six more, downed them all in one, passed out, and everybody in the whole pub shagged her senseless.
The next night, she limped painfully into the bar again and said:
"Barman, give me a triple Vodka."
"I thought you drank Baileys?"
"Not any more. Baileys makes my pussy sore."
The barman poured it out and she knocked it back in two gulps.
"Gimme another"
The barman complied and she downed it in one.
Then she bolted five more triple Baileys, passed out, and everybody in the lounge bar shagged her senseless.
The next night she walked stiffly into the bar, sat down gingerly, and said:
"Gimme a triple Baileys, and make it snappy."
The barman gave her a triple Baileys, and she knocked it back in one gulp. Then she had six more, downed them all in one, passed out, and everybody in the whole pub shagged her senseless.
The next night, she limped painfully into the bar again and said:
"Barman, give me a triple Vodka."
"I thought you drank Baileys?"
"Not any more. Baileys makes my pussy sore."
Missed Period
A Junior School class were given a homework assignment to discover something really exciting and tell the class about it the next day.
The next day little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, picked up a piece of chalk and made a small white mark on the blackboard.
"What's that you've drawn? asked the teacher in puzzlement.
"It's a period, miss" said little Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," replied the teacher, "but what's so exciting about a period?"
"I don't know," said Johnny, "but this morning my sister was missing one, My Dad had a heart attack, My Mum fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
The next day little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, picked up a piece of chalk and made a small white mark on the blackboard.
"What's that you've drawn? asked the teacher in puzzlement.
"It's a period, miss" said little Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," replied the teacher, "but what's so exciting about a period?"
"I don't know," said Johnny, "but this morning my sister was missing one, My Dad had a heart attack, My Mum fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
Yes or No?
So what do you think? Is she or is she not wearing knickers? Well there is only one way to find out. If you are an adult click here and all your questions will be answered.
Is that skirt short enough?
Short skirts, I love them. They should be compulsory for all fit women. To see some great pics, and video clips, of this hot babe click here. Adults only.
Sweet young thing
This sweet young thing looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. If you are an adult then take a look here to see just what does melt in her mouth!
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