New Game Show comes to ITV

Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'. Today's
programme features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:
Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We've already given away
hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our
sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don't forget, we're now the fastest
growing game on the planet.
Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British passport,
and you only need one word of English: 'ASYLUM'!.

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at
£180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and
accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to everyone
buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry
companies or Eurostar.

No application ever refused reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do
is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: 'ASYLUM'.

Only this week 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown
Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local
law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury
£200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They join tens of
thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain.

Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the
world famous Toddington Services area in historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget there's no need to
phone a friend or ask the audience, just apply for legal aid. Hundreds of
lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help. It won't cost
you a penny, so play today; it could change your life forever.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet
activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers,
bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...COME ON DOWN!

Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry park, get along to the
ferry terminal. Don't stop in Germany or France. Go straight to Britain. And
you are guaranteed to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the
softest game on earth.

Roll up, roll up my friends for the game that never ends. Everyone's a
winner, when they play 'ASYLUM'.