Happy Birthday Mr Slezy. Adults Only

Yes it is Mr Slezy's birthday today. I won't tell you how old he is but I will say that if he were ever to get hold of this busty babe she would kill him! But I know he likes them big and has recently aquired another lorry load of baby oil so I thought I would put her on here just for him.

See more of busty Danielle here.

A little bird

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Psalm 129

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek , further up , you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.

A women in distress.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them were hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling.... about women drivers; the woman says, 'So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days'. Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.’

The woman continues, 'and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No, I think I'll just wait for the police....'

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Never Trust A Women in distress!

Are women are slacking in their chores?

I read recently in a newspaper that a new survey out reveals women push an iron 215 miles in their lifetime, and men cover a total of 73. Apparently, the average woman only spends 1 hour and 14 minutes pressing clothes and only covers about 120 yards per week.

Come on girls your slacking! What do you think lads? They should be doing at least 2 hours and 200 yards. After all, us men spend more time giving our right arms some exercise with a pint in the local pub and have to walk further to get to it than that.

It also says that half of the men have ruined garments and a quarter still get their mums to do it for them (which I think is the preferred method, as it frees up the girlfriend/wife for an extra couple of hours in the bedroom). So, I’m sure everyone is in agreement when I say that women should stick to the ironing (they are better at it) and leave things like the driving to the men (they are better at it).

Bob the next door neighbour

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob ,the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says ,

'I'll give you £800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks ,
'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour, ' she replies.

'Great ,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?'

WARNING To All TESCOS Shoppers (please read very carefully)

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get groceries has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works.

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windowlene , with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tescos.

You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen April 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th & 24th. Also May 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three times just yesterday, and very likely this coming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful.

Come on Slezy

I’m sorry there have been no posts from me lately. (Yes, I’ve had Castonya on my back, moaning as usual) It’s because I’ve been ill. Does anyone notice a pattern here? For those that haven’t noticed, we are all sick on this site.

You see, I am addicted to sex and couldn’t get any. But, I’m on the mend after a vigorous course in Self help. Anyway, I was thinking that I’m one of them
‘Sexually challenged’ that Peter and Castonya keep on about.
I mean having sexual intercourse in my life is Certainly a challenge!

An example; The last female that had the pleasure of my company told me of a secret that she like all other women looked for eight qualities in a man. Brave,Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, and Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

Well, I’ve got all them qualities, but she like all the others was
only around for a week or two. I know I’m doing something wrong. So, any ideas?
Am I missing something?

What do you two think? Do I qualify as ‘sexual challenged’ and if so, How much benefit will I get and does it stack with other benefits? I’m sure there’s something in the human rights act somewhere that
will cover it.

Right, I better get and find some humourous stuff before Peter carries out his threat and stops adding more sites full of gorgeous girls for us to ogle at.

With age comes wisdom.

ANALOGY:

I bought a bird feeder.
I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed.
What a beauty of a bird feeder it is as I filled it
lovingly with seed.
Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking
advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily
accessible food.
But then the birds started building nests in the
boards of the patio, above the table, and next to
the barbecue.
Then came the poo. It was everywhere:
on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean.
They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even
though I had fed them out of my own pocket.
And other birds were boisterous and loud.
They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed
at all hours of the day and night and demanded that
I fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even sit in my own back
garden anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and
in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their
mess and took down the many nests they had built all
over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be .....
Quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a
free meal.
Now let's see..... Our government gives out free food,
subsidised housing, free medical care, and free education
and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegal came by the tens of thousands.
Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services;
small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to
wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor;
your child's class is behind other schools because over
half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box;
I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English,
and people waving flags other than the English Flag are
squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more
rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it is time for
the government to take down the bird feeder.

Labour party announcement

The labour party today unveiled there new emblem to replaced their wilted rose.





Old logo.




New logo.

Yes, they will be using the Condom in the future as it more accurately reflects the governments political
 stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation,
protects a bunch of dicks, and gives a sense of security while you're actually
being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

Wolf

A pic from the family album, Wolf getting his first ticket.

A perfect way to behave

My new Philosophy of Life.

Ann Angel

Is this Ann Angel?