First Child

Dear Tech Support,

Recently I purchased and installed Child 1.0. I soon noticed that this program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Burp 7.1. Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document, and a window will flash telling me to run CleanItUp 2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such as Potty 8.5, however they auto-installed with Child 1.0. Applications such as Holidays 2.7 and Pub.exe 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Child 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added such as "Nappies" and "ChildMedicines". Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of Child 1.0 for the aforementioned items. I have tried to uninstall Child 1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Guilt" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!!

THE REPLY:

Dear User,

Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that Child 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program." It is not - it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its' creator to run everything! A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already installed Child 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3 and Burp 7.1, you may run C: \HIRENANNY.EXE, however this will cause another folder to be added to financial applications, labeled "Staff". Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Burp 7.1 being run again on startup. A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Burp 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "SocialWork 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of SocialWork 4.2 is by purchasing and installing "Lawyer 10.1". Otherwise, SocialWork 4.2 will cause further and irreversible damage to the operating system. Finally, it is important that you run C:\NightNurse and C:\GoogGooTalk on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.

Sincerely, Tech Support