The big Interview

After all the gas, oil and electric companies put up their prices by huge amounts, despite also posting record profits, we decided to ask the government just what they intend to do about it. So here today we have Mr Hugh Kares from the department of propoganda to answer some questions for us.

C) Good evening Mr Kares.

HK) Good evening, sorry I am late. Got held up by a convoy of lorrys on the motorway. Bloody idiots are protesting about something as usual. I will be glad when diesel gets so expensive that all we get is foreign lorry drivers.

C) Quite! Well, on behalf of our readers we would like to know if the government has any sort of strategy in place to cope with rising fuel bills.

HK) Good god no! Why on Earth would we concern ourselves with that? We are all going to be out of a job pretty soon so we will leave it to the next lot. We have far more pressing concerns, bringing in new laws and handing more power to the EU while we still have the chance.

C) But doesn't it concern you that the big utility companies are making enormous profits while the people of this country are suffering?

HK) Of course it concerns us! It is one of the reasons we will all soon be out of work. But it's too late to do anything about it now. And why shouldn't people suffer a bit after what we have had to go through? Concerns about our expenses, our wage rise reduced etc. Do these people have any idea what that will do to our pensions? Anyway the press are making too much of it all as usual. So fuel bills are rising. So what? It has it's good points as well.

C) So you are saying that gas, electricity and oil prices rising are good for the country?

HK) Of course. It's something we at New Labour expected and prepared for. If you look at the taxes on all of these essentials you will see that they are taxed at a percentage. Quite simply this means that the more they go up the more tax we get. It was Gordons idea years ago. Brilliant way of balancing the books. It also means we can now borrow more money because as the price of fuel keeps increasing so will our cut!

C) Some Labour MP's are calling for a windfall tax on the power companies. How will this help? Surely the power companies will just put up their prices again to cover the extra tax?

HK) Of course they will! Thats what makes it such a brilliant idea. Not only will we get a huge amount of tax directly we will then earn even more when they put their prices up again.

C) But what about people who can't afford to heat their homes this winter, pensioners especially?

HK) They can just go to Tesco's and buy some more clothes to wear. Thanks to Labour dismantling our manufacturing industry most clothes are now imported from China. They are mostly made in sweat shops with the workers paid a pittance so clothes here have never been so cheap! Anyway if a few pensioners freeze to death we save some more money and it will free up housing for the homeless immigrants.

C) Well that all we have time for. I'm sure our readers will remember your views when it comes to election time. Thank you Mr Kares.