According to the newspapers the low value of the pound against the Euro is going to stop millions of people from holidaying in Europe next year and they will stay here instead. Really? Are people really that stupid?
France is not the cheapest country in Europe but even with the pound almost on par with the Euro, wine, cigarettes, beer, food, fuel and most other everyday items are still slightly cheaper than in the UK.
Providing I am still alive and well enough Mr Slezy and I are off to the Loire Valley in France in June. We have a three bedroom caravan that is costing us £300 including the ferry. A three bedroom caravan in Torbay at the same time is £500. The average tempreture in the Loire in June is 25%. In Torbay it is 18%. In the Loire parking is always easy and usually free. In Torbay it is very difficult and can cost £20 a day.
In the Loire steets are swept twice a day, bins are emptied twice a day, everything is spotlessly clean, bars and restaurants are welcoming and the staff can't do enough to help. In Torbay by four o'clock in the afternoon the bins are overflowing and the streets are covered in litter. Many bars have bouncers on the door and everywhere you go there are signs telling you what you mustn't do.
Anybody who was planning to go abroad but is staying here instead can either not count or is a complete idiot.
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
How much? Adults Only
When you want to buy a TV you go into a shop, see what you want, and pay the price it is marked up at. If it is £500 it is £500, not £500, plus tax, plus £10 for the box, plus £20 for fuel to get if from the docks to the shop. You don't have to pay an extra £15 if you buy two and want them in your house next to each other. The price is £500, you pay £500.
So why are holidays and flights not priced the same? The price you see is the price you pay? The airlines and holiday companies all advertise pices that are quite simply lies. There are always extras. Some charge extra for your luggage, they charge extra for food on the plane, if you book two seats they charge you extra to guarantee sitting next to each other. They charge tall people extra when what they should be doing is increasing the legroom so everybody can sit in comfort and safety and not just midgets.
They even charge extra for the fuel! That is crap! Surely they should include the price of the fuel in the price of the ticket because without the fuel the ticket is useless anyway because you can't go anywhere? Cab drivers dont charge extra for the fuel, neither do buses or coaches. So how an earth are the airlines allowed to get away with it?
The price advertised for a holiday should be inclusive of everything. The same with flights. The advertised price should be the price you pay.
How much do you think this bird would cost?
Saturday, September 13, 2008
We are back. Adults Only
Well we are back safe and sound from our holiday. They didn't let me drive at all which was a shame but may be the reason we are back safe and sound.
Heard Peter and Slezy talking and it seems like they have already booked for France next year so to get them in the mood here is a French bird.
Take a look at her here.
Monday, September 01, 2008
I am dissapointed. Adults Only
Well my plan, now I have hold of the head, was to keep it until Friday so I could drive to Devon. But Peter has other ideas. He reckons that it wont be safe if I drive so he says he is going to.
He has a point, it won't be safe if I drive. But it will be a hell of a lot more fun! Mr Sleazy and his bitch are watching with great interest to see who wins!
Here is a bird.
The Benefit Boys are off on holiday.
Yes, Friday morning, Peter and I plus Sleazy and his new bitch Gerald are off on holiday. Sleazy calls him Jerry for short because he keeps him under his bed but that's a different story. He is actually our cousin but we try to keep it quiet.
We are off to sunny Devon on a cheap Sun Scum holiday, three nights in Paignton then four nights in Brixham. There is a rock and roll weekend at the first site which Mr Sleazy is all exited about. He was going to wear a quiff but couldn't find a wig big enough. He also has the hump because I just had to explain to him that with four of us in the car there is only room for one case of baby oil.
We have lots of stuff planned. We are going on a steam train, going to play crazy golf and going to play real golf. And when I say real golf thats what I mean, the proper stuff on a Playstation, none of that walking round for hours in the rain carrying a big bag of clubs like the amateurs do!
This of course means that the site wont get updated next week.
We are off to sunny Devon on a cheap Sun Scum holiday, three nights in Paignton then four nights in Brixham. There is a rock and roll weekend at the first site which Mr Sleazy is all exited about. He was going to wear a quiff but couldn't find a wig big enough. He also has the hump because I just had to explain to him that with four of us in the car there is only room for one case of baby oil.
We have lots of stuff planned. We are going on a steam train, going to play crazy golf and going to play real golf. And when I say real golf thats what I mean, the proper stuff on a Playstation, none of that walking round for hours in the rain carrying a big bag of clubs like the amateurs do!
This of course means that the site wont get updated next week.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
A public health announcement. Adults Only
As somebody with cancer I feel I should make a special plea to all of you smokers out there. Don't buy them in this country, buy them in Corfu!
They are £25 to £30 a carton cheaper there than here and you can legally bring 16 cartons back with you so you get the holiday in the sun for free! You can still go in May or October for less than £200!
Then when you smoke them you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you perfectly legally screwed the government and had a week eating, drinking and having fun instead of giving them the tax!
They also won't then be able to then use this tax to provide free health care to the non smokers and non drinkers who contribute far less taxes yet clog up our hospitals being treated for self inflicted injuries that could easily have been avoided if they had just of had a drink and a fag and chilled out.
Here is a fit nineteen year old.
A post card from Wolf.
Mr Wolf has been away for a couple of days. Idiot went to Wales! Of all the places he could have gone he chose Wales! Didn't he read Castonya's travel guide?
Anyway he has kindly sent a post card so I figured I would share it with you all.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Hope the weather improves. Adults Only
Well as I think I mentioned we are off on holiday again on Saturday, to Penzance in Cornwall. Mr Slezy is coming with us so there will be nobody to mind the site. Not that it matters because the lazy sod hasn't done anything for ages anyway.
At the moment the weather down there is terrible and shows little sign of improving. But I am sure we will have fun anyway.
In the meantime here is something to take your minds off of the lousy weather. See more of this hot babe here.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Travel Guide 1. Wales
Well I have decided to start with Wales simply because Peter has just been having a rant about the Welsh. It is also pretty close which is a big bonus because it makes it easy to get out of when you can't take any more. Because believe me, if you do go to Wales you won't want to stay long.
Well where do we start? The Welsh will tell you the scenery is spectacular and that it is a beautiful place. Maybe it is but it never stops raining long enough to find out. I would describe the scenery as bleak and depressing. even the sheep, which seem to be everywhere, are a dirty off white colour, as if they are covered in coal dust or something. Of course it isn't coal dust because the coal mining industry virtually dissapeared years ago when the miners tried to hold the rest of us to ransom and eventually priced themselves out of work.
As for the weather. Well there is a reason they have so many sheep in Wales. Sheep eat grass and there is plenty of grass. And there is plenty of grass because it never stops raining. The weather in Wales can be summed up in one word. Awful.
The Welsh also have some odd customs. Worrying sheep, for example, is almost their national sport. If you go out in your wellies and aproach a sheep be prepared for it to turn and run, especially if you are a man. They also think they can sing but, as anybody who has ever heard their attempts at singing will testify, they can't. Their singing is quite possibly the only thing worse than their awful accent.
They also have their own nonsensical language that doesn't have any vowels but because 1% of them can actually understand it they use huge amounts of English tax payers money to have all their roadsigns and stuff in Welsh as well as their official language, English.
The North of Wales is probably the worst part. Especially in the summer when it seems to be full of scousers, bought up next to the Mersey, all staring in amazement at rivers that are not dark brown and don't have turds floating along the surface.
The food is bland. The weather is crap, the natives rude, ignorant and unsociable, the scenery is bleak and their idea of a fit bird is that fat bint Charlotte Church. In short this suburb of England has absolutely nothing going for it as a holiday destination and is somewhere best avoided.
Well where do we start? The Welsh will tell you the scenery is spectacular and that it is a beautiful place. Maybe it is but it never stops raining long enough to find out. I would describe the scenery as bleak and depressing. even the sheep, which seem to be everywhere, are a dirty off white colour, as if they are covered in coal dust or something. Of course it isn't coal dust because the coal mining industry virtually dissapeared years ago when the miners tried to hold the rest of us to ransom and eventually priced themselves out of work.
As for the weather. Well there is a reason they have so many sheep in Wales. Sheep eat grass and there is plenty of grass. And there is plenty of grass because it never stops raining. The weather in Wales can be summed up in one word. Awful.
The Welsh also have some odd customs. Worrying sheep, for example, is almost their national sport. If you go out in your wellies and aproach a sheep be prepared for it to turn and run, especially if you are a man. They also think they can sing but, as anybody who has ever heard their attempts at singing will testify, they can't. Their singing is quite possibly the only thing worse than their awful accent.
They also have their own nonsensical language that doesn't have any vowels but because 1% of them can actually understand it they use huge amounts of English tax payers money to have all their roadsigns and stuff in Welsh as well as their official language, English.
The North of Wales is probably the worst part. Especially in the summer when it seems to be full of scousers, bought up next to the Mersey, all staring in amazement at rivers that are not dark brown and don't have turds floating along the surface.
The food is bland. The weather is crap, the natives rude, ignorant and unsociable, the scenery is bleak and their idea of a fit bird is that fat bint Charlotte Church. In short this suburb of England has absolutely nothing going for it as a holiday destination and is somewhere best avoided.
I have booked my holiday. Adults Only
Now I know I will definitely have my new car I have booked my holiday. Castonya and I are off to France with our mate Piotr on 16th June. We are going camping in the Loire Valley.
It is an absolute bargain. Seven nights in a tent with proper beds, fridge, cooker etc, our own barbeque outside, free canoe hire and three swimming pools is £231 all in, including the ferry crossing! Including the fuel it will cost us less than £150 each for the week!
Here is a fit bird.
Thank you Peter
Well Peter has just put me in charge of our new Travel Guides! Cool, I have never been in charge before. Hope it doesn't go to my head like that gormless Gordon bloke. Or that chancer before him, Billy Liar was it? You know the bloke anyway. The socialist with the six houses and the gobby wife.
I will obviously do my best to make these guides as unbiased and truthful as possible but I will of course be open to bribes, just like the government. Unfortunately, unlike our government, I don't have access to unlimited amounts of tax payers money so I won't be able to visit all these places so will really be basing my observations on what other people have said but then that is exactly how the government makes decisions anyway. After all none of our MP's have ever done a days work in their lives but they tell us what we should be doing.
So I am looking forward to this. Thanks Peter. You can count on me!
I will obviously do my best to make these guides as unbiased and truthful as possible but I will of course be open to bribes, just like the government. Unfortunately, unlike our government, I don't have access to unlimited amounts of tax payers money so I won't be able to visit all these places so will really be basing my observations on what other people have said but then that is exactly how the government makes decisions anyway. After all none of our MP's have ever done a days work in their lives but they tell us what we should be doing.
So I am looking forward to this. Thanks Peter. You can count on me!
Travel Guides.
Apparantly, according to the papers last week, us Brits are pretty poor at geography and most of us can't even point out our foreign holiday destinations on a map let alone know anything about where we are going.
Well the map part is simple. Just go to Multimap or another site like it. But if you want to know more about your destination then just come here. We have decided we will help out and over time Castonya will tell you everything you need to know about foreign countries and their cultures. So watch for this tag; Travel Guides.
They will only be occasional but I am sure you will find them very useful.
Well the map part is simple. Just go to Multimap or another site like it. But if you want to know more about your destination then just come here. We have decided we will help out and over time Castonya will tell you everything you need to know about foreign countries and their cultures. So watch for this tag; Travel Guides.
They will only be occasional but I am sure you will find them very useful.
Friday, May 16, 2008
If you work at customs at Heathrow
If you work at customs at Heathrow then take some advice and take the 4th and 25th of September off. Because believe me body searching my mum and Mary will not be a lot of fun!
Booking flights!
This week I had to book flights for google to go to Canada with her sister Mary in September. To get the best deal I went to a flight search engine and then looked up the cheapest and went direct to their websites. See, if you actually book through one of these search sites you are paying them commision usually.
For example, the cheapest I found Air Canada flights were £880. But when I went to Air Canada's site it was £840. So use the flight search sites to find who is the cheapest then book direct! Just a tip there, nothing to do with the story!
Anyway she wanted to fly with Air Canada or BA and as Air Canada were cheaper we tried to book it. So I went to their website and got the prices but because my mum has had a couple of illnesses and may need oxygen on standby on the flight I couldn't book online so rang them instead. Big mistake!
After being passed around five differnt people, where I had to explain everything each time, we got the oxygen sorted. An extra £150, even if she didn't use it. So then I hand the phone over to my mum and she tries to pay. Firstly they want to charge an extra £20 because we are booking by phone and not online. So I go back on the phone and point out that it says quite clearly on their website that if you cannot complete your booking online for any reason then you wont get charged the extra.
"But that means if there is a technical problem" she tells me.
"Well I don't know about you but I consider there not even being a box to tick to add the charge for oxygen a pretty big technical problem" I told her.
And eventually the charge was dropped.
"Your Joking!" is the next thing I hear my mum say.
Over half an hour we had been on the phone to these idiots and when she went to pay they don't take Maestro! This is Nat Wests only debit card, held by around nine million people and they don't take it!
So off we went to British Airways. Who were brilliant! It was all sorted withen ten minutes including arranging a wheel chair each end for my mum. It was £50 dearer but she got her insurance cheaper through them and the flight times were better as well.
The only thing I didn't like with BA was that next to how much luggage can you take it said whatever you like but remember that you are never going to see it again!
For example, the cheapest I found Air Canada flights were £880. But when I went to Air Canada's site it was £840. So use the flight search sites to find who is the cheapest then book direct! Just a tip there, nothing to do with the story!
Anyway she wanted to fly with Air Canada or BA and as Air Canada were cheaper we tried to book it. So I went to their website and got the prices but because my mum has had a couple of illnesses and may need oxygen on standby on the flight I couldn't book online so rang them instead. Big mistake!
After being passed around five differnt people, where I had to explain everything each time, we got the oxygen sorted. An extra £150, even if she didn't use it. So then I hand the phone over to my mum and she tries to pay. Firstly they want to charge an extra £20 because we are booking by phone and not online. So I go back on the phone and point out that it says quite clearly on their website that if you cannot complete your booking online for any reason then you wont get charged the extra.
"But that means if there is a technical problem" she tells me.
"Well I don't know about you but I consider there not even being a box to tick to add the charge for oxygen a pretty big technical problem" I told her.
And eventually the charge was dropped.
"Your Joking!" is the next thing I hear my mum say.
Over half an hour we had been on the phone to these idiots and when she went to pay they don't take Maestro! This is Nat Wests only debit card, held by around nine million people and they don't take it!
So off we went to British Airways. Who were brilliant! It was all sorted withen ten minutes including arranging a wheel chair each end for my mum. It was £50 dearer but she got her insurance cheaper through them and the flight times were better as well.
The only thing I didn't like with BA was that next to how much luggage can you take it said whatever you like but remember that you are never going to see it again!
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