Sexist? Me?

Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me . . .."

Why do men fart more than women?Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."